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10:30 and I can't fall asleep

I'm tossing and turning
The tears just keep running
The insanity's going beserk
But don't worry, dear,
I'll be (not) okay.
I'll (not) fall asleep soon, I'm sure
And maybe my mind mind will (not) leave me to rest this time
But who's to say?
I've gone fucking nuts
Or was I crazy to begin with?
I can't tell anymore
It all doesn't make sense anymore
So even as I'm rocking to and fro
I'm not sure if that'll stop the tears
Or just make them flow more
I'm (not) okay.
I'll (never) be okay.
Just keep (losing) faith in me
And you'll (never) see my scars again
Because I won't (start) again
As the nightmares overwhelm my dreams
And make my fears a (distorted) reality
One I can (not) escape
If I (don't) try hard enough.

It's 10:50 and I'm wide awake
I'm sure I (won't) fall asleep soon.
I just got to keep (losing) faith,
Like you keep (losing) faith in me,
Like you (don't) believe in me,
And will always (not) believe in me,
Because I can (not) do it

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Bat Country

It's been a few days... and in those few days, I've developed nightmares, found out that the bass player in my band is as fucked up as I am, seen a councillor, had my girlfriend break down crying in my arms, and tried to mend two broken souls on the same day.
First, the whole girlfriend bit. Her great aunt turns 95 tomorrow, which is a day before my girlfrien's birthday. Anyway, since she's really old, she's developed alzeimers. And so when my girlfriend called her last night to wish her a happy birthday, she didn't remember her. And they used to be really close. So today I took her to the councillor.
Next, the bass player. We talked yesterday amongst all the fucking around in Biology. I found out that he has schizophrenia. Not that I have an issue with that, it was just kinda shocking.

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Dead Bite

The bad mood I mentioned earlier this week STILL hasn't lifted, and even though yesterday was supposed to be a bullying awareness day, you know what happened? I kept getting made fun of. And, turns out that one chick who I THOUGHT was my friend isn't, and she was in 3 of my 4 classes yesterday. And in each of those three classes... she kept picking on me. THIS is why I hate Day of Silence. It doesn't do shit.
And then I tried talking to me girlfriend about it but she was busy, so I spent last night filled with sadness and pain all alone with no one to talk to and... I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it all. I want it all to stop, but I know it's not going to. I'm not going to show up to school one day and it's magically all going to stop. Not unless I came to school as a ghost, cause then I wouldn't be here anymore.
It's....I don't know. I know that this is life, but if this is all that's going to happen to me for three more years, then I don't want to live.

-Chemical_Insanity

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A Day Of Silence

My school has A Day Of Silence today, where people take a pledge to remain silent during lunch, for all of those who are silent every day.
I think it's a good idea, but it's not going to do shit for the bully victims. That, and the thought of it's bringing all sorts of memories back that I tried to forget.... It's not fair!
I'm really sad sometimes, like now.... But then I get really numb and I can't feel a thing and all I'm capable of expressing is indifference and it makes me want to scream. That's what people have done to me. That's what I'm trying to make better but I CAN'T and I just.....

-Chemical_Insanity

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What the fuck....

My new glasses came in today. Everything feels weird cause they're a stronger prescription, so its gonna take time to get used to. My depth perseption's all fucked up.
And on the way to get said glasses, my mom started talking shit about my girlfriend... again.
You see... I told my mom on Monday that I'm bisexual. And she was perfectly fine with that. But when I told her who I have my eye on... well... that's a different story. She started saying all of this shit about her.
[Post edited: Please refrain from posting about self harm as it is against the rules you agreed to when you signed up for the website and is distressing for others]
So I bent the truth about when my girlfriend had asked me out... and told her I hadn't given her an answer yet.
So then TODAY.... we're going to get my glasses, and my mom says to me "I really hope you told her no" and I didn't respond. So she pressed for an answer and of course, I lied.

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Matroshka

I've cried myself to sleep for a little over a week now, and have been crying on and off tonight.... I'm sad, I'm lost. Nothing is helping and I don't know what to do.

-Chemical_Insanity

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Long time no blog

Hey guys, it's been a while. What's up with all of you?
Me? I've been in the fucking worst mood ever for... a bit more than a week now. It fucking sucks cause I'm all sad and shit and I hate it. It's a wonder how my girlfriend puts up with me... My mood's fucking shitty and Iit sucks and I fucking hate it. And I can't make it better.
Oh well.... what can I do about it?

-Chemical_Insanity

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We'll Carry On

I can't believe this is happening... But at the same time, I came to a realization. They were preparing us for this. It's like Danger Days, and a lot of the fanfics I've read. They might be gone, but we're still here. We are the next generation, here to fight on for what was our fearless leaders. We are the killjoys, we're proud, we're strong. We've got our Conventional Weapons, now lets start running.
Does anybody know how to make a blog site like this one? I still want to help you guys out. You're my family, you mean a lot to me.
I don't want to lose contact with any of you, so feel free to email me (LyraAcacia@gmail.com) I'm on there a lot, any way. Don't let me lose you guys!
Thank you for everything, My Chemical Romance. We'll carry on your legacy To The End.

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The Full Course For Candy Addicts

Who here knows what Vocaloid is? Anyone?
I love them, even if they're all a bunch of synthesiser programs haha. I think they're pretty cool :)

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World is Ugly

Pic of my girlfriend and I ^_^ She's the one with black hair She's seriously amazing! And then the second is me trying out Temple Run. I'm fucking terrible haha. Acid Shock kept laughing at me... It was a riot. Later we're "watching" Johnny Depp in Dark Shadows haha. But seriously, she's amazing. I'm having a blast.

-Chemical_Insanity