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Random Drabble of the Day

Today I ran a mile... and it hurt. A lot. And the limit was doing so was 12 minutes. I did it in 14... Which means I didn't meet the requirement... which means I failed.... which means the running, almost passing out, the burning in my lungs when I tried to breath afterwards (and because I have asthma it was only so much worse), and headache were all for nothing. Fucking hell. But I did it. That’s all that counts. It’s one of those hollow victories that makes you want to face-slam the ground really hard, if only it was worth the effort.

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Itai Itai

In little feverent gasps I whisper prayers
And hope the snake will disappear soon
Because atop my chest it ate away at me
And no one helped as I writhed in agony
And screamed again and again.
It nibbles at the edges of my thoughts,
Slowly driving me mad with rage
As I toss and turn and plot and cry
And wish for a cure
Or a way to die
And to the skies I do shout out
"Itai, itai!"

-Chemical Insanity

*Itai (loosely) means in Japanese "It hurts"

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Skeletal Hearts

We hit the edge and we took a leap
And now things have fallen apart so damn fast
Because it takes only seconds to destroy
What time built up to make
And so we eroded away
And we ground ourselves up tight
And labeled ourselves stupid,
And all the while my skin melted off
And your smile began to fade
And my eyes began to glaze over
But that doesn't matter
It was the fact that we were lying to ourselves

So here's one for my empty chest
The bones white and closely knit
To take the place of what you stole,
Because I don't think you'll give it back
Here's to the nights I wasted away just for you
Because they were all for nothing
Even the nights that I saved you,
Or so you say,
Because I really just fuck up everything.
Here's to dates you broke
And lies we told
And the "I'm fine"s and "Talk to me"s...

...I miss you,
But I'm glad we saw an end
Because we would have gone on forever otherwise
So now it's time my skeletal heart and I take a bow

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The sun can go fuck itself

Last night I wasn't tired. And then I sorta.... passed out I suppose. I mean, I was in my bed, but still....
I've been having sleep issues. I mean, it feels like I sleep great, but then I wake up and I'm tired. And that feeling of lethargic slothiness doesn't go away.
You want to know I blame? I blame the fucking sun. Because I have a very thin curtain on the window right beside my bed, and it's there more for decoration. And then I have three windows on my other wall next to my bed, and light peaks in through the massive gap between window and sill. So instead of waking up at 8 or 9 like I want to, I wake up at 5.
...It's times like these that I want to live in Alaska.

-Chemical Insanity

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What Is Weird?

I've heard it enough times
For the image to have been bleached and burned repeatedly
And yet I still cannot define it.
I've typed the damned word so many times
That now it's structure looks scribbled
And I can't tell if it's the right word or not

I am it.
I live and breath it's very essence,
And it's holds me close in branched out arms
It's thorns poking my vulnerable sides.

What is it?
Is it coming to the realization
That a raven and a writer's desk
Are so tightly bound?
Is it screaming to the skies in an elfen tongue
Only to realize that you're still awake
And no amount of cursing will bring that dragon to you?
Or perhaps it is the supernatural
Like the coincidence of the barrel being empty
When I tried to fire one through me the night before last
And knew I had filled it up before I started.

I can't explain it
I just know that I am it
And whatever it may be,
Be it fucking psychotic
Or devoid of feelings,

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It All Has a Sense of Poetic Justice

Isn't it wonderfully marvelous
How mad I've become?
Not mad as in pissed off,
But mad as in crazy
I'm absolutely insane!
Isn't it lovely?
It all has a sense of justice to it
The kind with fake gold badges
And faded chrome
That only now leaves skid-marks

I've been trying to be reserved
I've attempted being quite
I've been through keeping calm
But the solutions are only bullshit remedies
Prescribed in an underhand fashion
By a drug dealer without the drugs
And even he has seen
What has become of me in my absence

Where has my brain gone?
I truly cannot say.
I've checked the vacant spot in my ribcage
And amongst a starry sky,
Trying to find that glimmer of hope
That I was always coerced into denying
Because dreams are evil fuckers
But then again,
Who am I to say?

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Demons Ate My Sense Away

Just stay awhile until the dust has cleared
Onto the chairs we sat in just moments ago
Before the ogres fell through the attic of my brain
And sent knowledge to litter our council

Sit with me
Join the world inside my mind
Where my breath tastes like the mushrooms
That grow from my ears
And from the root of the problem.
Eat yourself empty on gallons of air
So dank and stale as it is
Because no one thought to let the door open
Or let me out.
But drink yourself dry
And find yourself lost
Just like I have
Because it's lonely in here without your company

Float inside the ground with me
Travel six feet down with me
And feast upon the flesh divine
So fierce and hot is my will
And your conscious the butter that I spread thin
Over jellied eyes and smiles grim
But in truth,
I think I like you
And not in the kiddy sort of way
But the sort of way where you're a welcome intrusion
And my mind the issue we fight together

-Chemical Insanity

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Infection of the Mind

I'll never amount to you,
Ms. Holier-than-thou
Though I guess I'm not really trying to
So I guess we should just flow our seperate ways
And forget that we knew eachother
Because if I see you again then I'll slit your throat
And that's a fucking promise.

I think it's safe to say that you disappoint me
Likewise, I've let you down
But it doesn't really matter
Cause in the haze of our reflections,
So muffled by radiant heat
And thrown together with sparks of hate,
I see what we've become
For we're very alike, you see
Both thick-willed
Each to her own,
A wild-child unbridled,
Mounting atop a great failure as we ride away,
Into the consequence we hold.

In truth, I'll never amount to you
But I'll always try
And I'll always fail
Cause that's how I was programmed to be,
Like you were made to be a bitch,
Like you were made
To betray me

-Chemical Insanity

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You know you've had a weird week when....

-Your brother turns into a seaweed creature
-Your ribs drip black sparkles
-You've eaten so many stuffed mushrooms that you feel like YOU'RE the one that's stuffed, and your intestines are a ticking time bomb, waiting to spread your entrails throughout the room
-You get the sudden urge to build a small Japanese-style tower out of legos
-You close your eyes and all you can see are clothes
-You say 'fuck' several times around your mother, and she doesn't fucking care (really funny story haha...)
-Literally NONE of the stores you visit, be it on foot or online, have a decent selection of hoodies.
-You realize Walmart has the WORST selection of bathing suits
-People you thought you knew have turned against you.
-You realize how a raven is like a writing desk.
-You notice that, on average, it takes you two to three watches of a Disney movie to connect all of the dots in said Disney movie.
-You have Disney-ception

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I just.... I don't know anymore. Since my girlfriend dumped me a couple of weeks ago, neither she nor our friend Antichrist Angel have talked to me... they don't even acknowledge me. And when they do, AA seems to give me dirty looks...
I'm losing everything. I'm losing myself and everyone I care about. Yesterday my own mother threatened to kick me out cause she thought that I was skipping school. And I'm only 14!
Then today I was being picked I keep BEING picked on. But they wouldn't leave me the fuck alone during lunch. It only made everything so much worse. And then there's the fact that I admitted to one of my friends that a... certain thought has been weighing quite heavily on my mind for the past week (although it's been in my head for quite a while now), and that the more I think of it the more I consider it, and it doesn't even scare me anymore. It's become such a natural thought in my head. And the fact that I've developed insomnia again doesn't help matters.