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listening to disenchanted and crying my eyes out...

That song always gets me. Anyway, if you read my last blog you know about my mortifying trashcan incident. First thing I heard when I walked into school, take a guess! Yeah, "Watch out for those trashcans! They tend to jump in front of people!" I heard jokes like that all day. PEOPLE THAT WEREN'T EVEN THERE WERE MAKING FUN. What the fuck!!?? Anyway, my psychology teacher is having us make this time diary where we log everyday and put what we were doing and how we felt at the time.

Mother-fucking trashcans and floor wax

I had my first volleyball game of the season...and lost in only two sets. I know losing was a team effort but it does not feel like that. I found out as the before-game conference thing was GOING ON that I am the speaking captain for my team. Then I totally embarrassed myself. I had THE ENTIRE FUCKING GYM laughing at me because in my effort to save the ball I slipped on the OVERLY WAXED floor and knocked over a trashcan. My whole team said they would never let me live it down.

First day back at hell

Yup, first day of school. You know what that means! I completely tuned out my Algebra teacher and doodled some MCR stuff the entire class period, almost got the very back corner of every classroom to myself, and tried to stay away from people as much as possible. There is one girl that tried to scratch my back though.....(awkward silence). After school I had volleyball practice and totally sucked that up. FUCK YEAH! We have our first game tomorrow and we can't even pass the ball back over the net, much less to the setter so she can set us up to kill it.

My MCR poem that is going to rhyme so get over it

I can't name all the books of the Bible,
But I know every word of "Sleep"
I can't do long division in my head very good
But I know every word of "Welcome To The Black Parade"
I can't speak fluent Spanish
But I know every word of "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)"
I can't tell you what year George Washington died
But I know every word of "Teenagers"
I can't recite any Shakespeare from memory
But I know every word of "The End."
I can't tell you the name of every bone and muscle in the body
But I know every word of "Famous Last Words"
I can't run twenty laps around the gym
But I know every word of "I

Part 2 of my story yet to be titled...

Sorry it's so late but here it is!
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Ledger always like to get to class early so he could get the back corner seat, as far away from people as he could get. He walked into Mrs. Klemson's science lab for biology, still holding Pandora's backpack. He started to the back table, his and Pandora's usual spot. It was covered in spitballs that other students had spit at him and Pandora. There was gum stuck on the bottom that was probably older than him, and so much graffiti carved into it that he had to put a book underneath his papers so as not to tear the paper.

Mikey's cartoon look alike

I don't care if I've already posted today, I'm going to post again because I'm badass like that...... and I had like six cups of coffee and can't sleep. Anyway, had anybody seen "Atlantis"? You know the (I think) Disney cartoon? If you have, did you think Milo Thatch (the main character) looks like Mikey Way?

More lies

I am so fucking tired of lying to my parents about my self-harm, but I can't tell them the truth. They found some tissues in the trashcan (how I don't know. I covered them up pretty good...) and asked what happened and I told them I did it shaving. And it's not just to my parents. I was in volleyball practice and apparently my cuts busted back open and got blood all down the side of my shorts. I don't know what I'm going to do when I have to change in the locker room. My school has a new rule that we can't change in the bathroom anymore, we have to change in the locker room.

When do you get help?

Guys, I am so sorry that I always put depressing stuff in here. If you are easily depressed or triggered, please skip this blog, please.
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When do you go to get real help? Like, when do you know you should see a therapist? After you ruin tons of clothes from bleeding on them? When you stop eating? When it is a struggle to stand in the bathroom without raiding the med cabinet? I am depressed all the time, and the rare moments that I'm not, I'm really pissed off. A sincerely good mood is extremely rare for me. People see my "happy mask", but that is slipping off.

DAMN IT!

That awkward moment when you go to put a pair of like jean shorts on to look at least halfway acceptable to go to a school meeting and they tear off all the bandages on your legs and get blood all over them. Fuck my life

Fuck everything

Yeah. I had a fucking awful day. I know it definitely could have been worse but still, it sucked. I had volleyball practice this morning and the gym has no air conditioning. I got lightheaded and nauseous and I felt like I was going to pass out the whole time. I started shaking so every time I had to do something I screwed it up miserably. And then to top it off, I got yelled at for other people's mistakes when it really wasn't my fault this time. Anybody else know what I'm talking about? Having to take responsibility for other people's actions? It PISSES ME OFF.

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