My knees are so swollen it's hard to sit down right now and it's all because..... VOLLEYBALL PRACTICE. I swear I love the game and I'm not complaining because my bruises look pretty bitching but my knees are bruised up through my knee pads.
Hey everybody. Instead of posting my usual depressing stuff, I want to hear about you. How is everybody? What have you been up to recently? Do you need to talk about anything? Do you just want to talk? What do you want to do with your life? What are your favorite songs? What is your favorite food? Favorite movies? Have any pets? I want to hear about you guys. All of you need to know that my inbox is always open and I love you guys so dearly. You need to know that you are an amazing person no matter who you are, what you look like, or what you have done. You are powerful. You are beautiful.
This is kind of strange, but if you understand what I mean let me know in the comments or inbox me. Has anybody else noticed that they spend about 80% of the time in a bathroom? I know I do. Whether I am in there showering, or putting on make-up, crying, etc.. And it doesn't matter where I am. If I'm at school and need to get away from my class because they are all assholes, I go to the bathroom, sit in a stall and just chill sometimes. Unfortunately, I have a one bathroom house to share with three girls (including me) and my dad.
I have a bruise straight up from my wrist to the middle of the palm of my hand from diving to save the volleyball. How the fuck does somebody bruise the palm of their hand? I also had two people ask me today why I seemed so sad. Fuck...
So my volleyball coach (a.k.a, my mom outside the house) went to my mom this morning and said that she was worried about me. She said that she feels I am withdrawing myself from people and getting depressed. THAT IS WHAT I FUCKING DIDN'T WANT MY MOM TO KNOW. So she pulled me into her classroom this morning (she is a teacher at my school) and told me that my coach was worried about me and everything and asked me if I was depressed. The one perfect chance I have to tell her the truth and what do I say? "No, I'm fine" .... Fuck.
I don't want anybody to think I am posting this for attention. I am putting this here because I have nowhere else to let it out. I see no point in living anymore. I am fucked up and it's like I physically can't tell anybody that I need help. I rode home with my volleyball coach, and this woman is my second mom, it kind of feels like she is my real mom. I will go to her with anything before I go to my real parents. I have been contemplating telling her that I self-harm and need help and I have tried to a couple times, but I can't get the words out of my mouth.
Fuck the world. And here is a picture I found and thought I'd share it. He is so beautiful... inside and out
I am depressed all the time and I don't really know why. I don't have a hard life at all, I am truly blessed, but I just can't be happy. I just hate everything about me and I can't escape. I'm fucked up but I don't want to tell my parents. They would be thoroughly devastated. I know so many people have way worse lives than me and that I shouldn't be like this, but I don't know what to do.
So today I watched four episodes of House, M.D. in a row, two movies (The Ward, State of Emergency) and three episodes of L.A. Ink. Anybody else like these shows/movies?
This week has not been going too swell for me and today was no exception. So in Algebra I put my head down on my desk because I was tired and I just woke up in a pissy mood this morning. I had my head down for I'd say probably around 45 minutes(long enough that I started jerking really bad like I do in my sleep). Then my teacher starts fussing at me the second I pick my head up. I'm not one to fuss with teachers but I could've torn her head off. To understand this next episode, you need a little background in my class.