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ohhh....

I just realized that I have all the MCR members' birthdays on my calendar....but not my family and friends.....

You know what would be amazing?

If everybody had their own Gerard. The world would be a much better place :)

Lonestar :)

Happy birthday punkin' :) Hope you are doing well :)

Screw it

Hey everybody! I know I already posted in yearbook or whatever (for anybody that's wondering, that's the class that make our yearbook or annual or whatever you want to call it) but I just thought I'd update everybody on what's happening. Okay, here we go. On Thursday, my friends told my coach who told my principal who told my mom that I'm depressed and I cut. So that night my parents went through my room, took out anything that I could possibly use, and did the same to the bathroom. They now check my arms, legs, and torso for cuts every time I get out of the shower.

In yearbook class

Yeah I'm in yearbook class right now. Such a badass....not. Just thought I'd let everybody know I'm still alive, not that it matters.

Lonestar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EVERYBODY NEEDS TO READ THIS. LONESTAR NEEDS US. THEY ARE PART OF THE REASON THIS SITE IS STILL RUNNING, YOU KNOW, WITH THE CHALLENGES AND STUFF. LONESTAR IS HURTING RIGHT NOW. ANYBODY THAT READS THIS, MESSAGE LONESTAR AND LET THEM KNOW THAT WE CARE, WE LOVE THEM, AND WE NEED THEM. WE WOULD NEVER GET OVER IT IF LONESTAR DISAPPEARED AND THEY NEED TO KNOW THAT.

Fuck is all I have to say

Well my friends gave me until tomorrow morning to tell my coach about everything since we have been really stressed with games and shit, and every time I think about it I have a mini-panic attack. My heart feels like it is going to beat out of my chest and I get so hot it's not even funny and I shake and it is awful. Oh and on top of it, this is the conversation I had with my mom today:
Mom: Are you depressed? Your coach is worried about you. She says you aren't yourself.
Me: No, I'm fine. Just a little frustrated with the team.
***************
Fuck. I do this every time.

What the fuck do I do?

My two friends pulled me into the gym this morning and sat me down. Right when they said to come with them I started to panic a little. Then they told me that if I don't tell an adult and get help for my problem that they were going to. They told me I have until tomorrow morning to tell my coach before they do. I am panicking so bad right now. I know deep down that I need help but I really don't need it right now, if that makes sense?

My next birthday?

I was riding in the car with my aunt and she is 17 right now. We both have birthdays in February and since we are both having major birthdays in February (she will be 18 and I will be 16) we were talking about having a big birthday party this year since we rarely do anything for our birthdays. Most people would be excited about turning 16 right? Well the whole time we were talking I was sitting there wondering if I would live to see February. The more we talked about it the more I felt like shit and thought about whether to tell her that I feel like this.

The things we love...

I'm very sorry I am so random but once I have a thought like this I'm going to share it. Has anybody else noticed that the things we love the most are the worst things for us (except music of course..)? Like FOOD. I fucking love anything smothered in chocolate...and you can tell by looking at me that I love it. All the junk food that we love so much and over glorify is absolutely awful for us. Another thing is stuff like smoking.

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