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gettin ballsy

i dont know. im told im getting ballsy because im not following the rules in my house. i dont understand that term.

but i just burnt the hell out of my thumb on accident because im stupid xD I was straightening the back of my head, and instead of getting the hair, i grabbed my thumb and didnt realize until afterwards when it was steaming.... -.- dumbass..

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home alone adventures

i was left home alone for a few hours and like usual when left home alone i get paranoid as hell. I went to go to the bathroom and i walk past the front door. so yes, being paranoid i see two flowers on our wreath and think they're eyes. i look closer and thought i saw shoulders. i scream at the top of my lungs and run and get a steak knife and come back and open the door to see nothing there. so i just walk into the bathroom like a crazy bitch with the knife in my hand, haha and come out to call my mother and tell her about it. assoon as i hang up, weird fucking noises start happening, like the floors or walls creaking and im like, clutching onto the knife and phone like an idiot.

hope this story cheered anyone up lol.... im a crazy bitch

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Help meh please!

im so burnt and dont know what to do. aloe vera isnt working x_X

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Such a little thing..

its amazing how one can think such a little thing... a little deed that can stay visible for your whole life can save you... but really in the end it just destroys you.. but in the midst of doing it you dont care if it destroys you, or ruins your life. in the moment its all you want and you think its the only thing in this world that can help you and that can understand you.

tell me if you know what im talking about...
and yes :/ im resisting to relapse again.. but i think i might be alright. i dont know...

bloodshot101's picture

Such a little thing..

its amazing how one can think such a little thing... a little deed that can stay visible for your whole life can save you... but really in the end it just destroys you.. but in the midst of doing it you dont care if it destroys you, or ruins your life. in the moment its all you want and you think its the only thing in this world that can help you and that can understand you.

tell me if you know what im talking about...
and yes :/ im resisting to relapse again.. but i think i might be alright.

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has anyone noticed

how on mtv theres been myspace commercials? is myspace trying to make a comeback? i feel like i kinda want to make one... but nahh wouldnt it be stupid? does anyone else have one?

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omg i should be in jail xD

[x] smoked
[x] consumed alcohol
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[ x] kissed someone of the same sex
[ x] had sex
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[ ] watched porn
[ ] bought porn
[ x] tried drugs
TOTAL SO FAR: 8

[x] taken painkillers
[ ] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[x] lied to your parents
[x] lied to a friend
[x] snuck out of the house
[x] done something illegal
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone
[ ] wished someone to die
[ ] seen someone die
TOTAL SO FAR: 15

[x] missed curfew
[x] stayed out all night
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[x] been to a therapist
[ ] received a ticket
[ ] been to rehab
[x] dyed your hair
[x ] been in an accident
[ ] been to a club
[x] been to a bar
TOTAL SO FAR: 22

[ ] been to a wild party
[ ] been to a Mardi Gras parade
[ x] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night

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rampage update

so im going through a Transformers rampage. im gonna try and draw either that or Optimus after tonights marathon where i watch all 3.

i guess i should share that xD

but anyways, like it says, update..

i guess im doing better? still like, upset... i miss my friend terribly. he told me to leave him alone for the summer and talk to him when school starts back up.. i guess ill do that. theres not much else i can do if i really want to stay friends with him. yes id be happy to be more (see recent blogs to understand all this if you care to), but if this is what he wants, just friends, then im more than happy to do that.

well, im home alone right now and im getting weird feelings.. not likin the being alone so i grabbed a big steak knife xD oh god, when my mother walks in and sees me clutching this i swear shell freak out xP oops.. sorry bout the fear thats about to burst inside me xD

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dig the pit deeper..

the pit of depression in my heart and stomach is just getting deeper and deeper...

today in class the guy who i said meant alot to me and wasnt exactly talking to me... said he didnt want to be friends...

started crying at like 1:20ish and didnt stop till 5, just bc i fell asleep... now its around 7 and im still.. numb as fuck... im not even talking... i just dont know what to do... tomorrows our last tday so i have no room to fix things :/.... i already miss him :( i just want to hug him...

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Breaking Points

Im being so overwhelmed again.. I lost one of my BEST friends.. of almost 4 years.. yeah its not THAT long, but he pretty much means the world to me... hes the one im fallin for (suckish enough)
but rumors of course are going around my school and people are saying im starting them and hes believing them and is mad at me.. i havent said anything!!it shouldnt and i know it isnt but i feel like its the end of the world :/
i relapsed to :(
my ex raised a hand to hit me...
my moms tearing my other best friend away from me because they got into a fight (yeah the girls a couple years younger than my mom, but shes cool, and i guess im mature for my age (?) )
school... grades suck...
and today i heard a girl yell out to me "Lets dye our hair and slit our wrists" Im like... awesome. just what i need...
im on the verge of my breaking point which im scared to know what ill do.. im scared of my thoughts and what i have and of being alone.