It's time to face the facts. After years and years of begging for us to move home, we did. In four days it will have been a year since we did. And yet, it's so painfully obvious that I just don't belong here. I have friends, I go to an amazing school, but it's so dark. So cold. I'm sick all of the time, sleeping every day after school just so the days will blur together, so I can go back to see my dad in America all the quicker. I have 11 weeks until I breathe the humid air again. 3 weeks until I see him, but that's not the problem. The problem is the fact that I feel like I'm in a bubble.
Sometimes I feel trapped. Especially today, everything just went so wrong... it started as early as 3am and now it's almost 9:30pm.. and everything's just got worse. I'm probably overreacting - I do that a lot - but I just feel like I need to write it down to get it out of my system and then everything will be okay again. But that never really works. I woke up at 3am with a thumping headache and I was wide awake and starving. I turned on my computer and played around for a few hours, but the hunger was too much to bear so I went to get some cereal. It was stale.
I really don't know what to say other than the obvious; Gerard (and the rest of My Chemical Romance) saved my life. It's been said over and over again, but the message never becomes boring, or a drag, each person has their own story, their own way that they were saved by the music, and I believe that every big fan of My Chemical Romance has probably been at least helped out of a sticky situation by listening to the messages behind some of the songs. I feel as though I owe Gerard personally, owe him something so big that I will never be able to it give to him. So all I can say is THANK YOU.
I hate talking to people that you used to love, but just don't connect with anymore. I mean, she doesn't know that I don't like her anymore... it's not that I don't like her. We've been best friends for two years, but she's changed and I've changed and we don't have anything in common anymore and I just can't see the point to our friendship anymore. But the thing is, she doesn't know that I want to stop the friendship. I can't exactly tell her, we've been each others lifelines since we met, and I don't want to just ignore her because that leads to arguments and I love her too much for that.
I hate change.
I haven't seen my best friend since October, but I saw her today. We've been talking every day on Facebook since we last saw each other, and it seemed like everything was normal. But I'd been at her house only a few hours before the arguments started. It was clear that things had changed, and once again, change had taken someone really important in my life away from me. I've changed a lot, and she's changed a lot. She completely ignored me for an hour while talking to her boyfriend on the phone, completely ignored me. She apologised afterwards, but it was an hour.
There's no better feeling than sitting in the car, listening to your mother's favourite radio station - which is quite old-fashioned most of the time - and then a Greenday song comes on. Not only that, but when you start singing along, your mum joins in.
No better feeling.
Unless, of course, it had been My Chemical Romance...
It really has been too long since the last time I've posted a blog. I've been on the website every day, I just haven't had much to say. So firstly I'd like to say that evidentally the 30 Days of My Chemical Romance thing didn't work out, which sucks. I was hoping I'd be able to finish it but I didn't, because I've always had commitment problems :P
Since you last heard from me I've been inspired by Jon Pritikin, who came to visit my school and later that week my youth group, if you haven't heard of him you should look him up because his story is worth listening to. Seriously.
Favourite picture of Ray Toro.
The hair! <3 haha, that's all I can say.
Favourite picture of Mikey Way.
I always find things with Mikey awkward because I love him, obviously, like I love everyone else in the band, but there are certain photos (mostly recent ones) where he just looks so much like my older brother. He doesn't in this one, though, so yeah :)
Favourite picture of Frank Iero.
I really love this picture, not sure why though. I guess it just seems so.. familiar. I mean like, that's the kind of pictures me and my friends take, y'know?