Becky MCR's blog

So college has kind of finished. I think. Well it has. I've done all my assignments and so far I've achieved all the pass criteria so that's good. I feel kind of proud because I've had 2 breakdowns this year and missed so much and had so much work just piled on me at once and the stress I've had to deal with is immense. I slept for about 4 hours a night for 5 days to try and get all the assignments done and I thought I was going slightly crazy. But yeah I've had to do all this while other people in my class are on a 'drop down course' (6 units instead 9 a year) and haven't managed to do everything... So that's why I'm proud of myself.
Well done if you read that. Have a gold star cookie. I don't know if they are real but THEY SHOULD BE.
Red Thunder is an energy drink from Aldi and it is 79p for a litre and it is AWESOME! Cheap energy drinks are great.
Ugly Love. They're a band. They're a great band. You should check them out.

I think I'm crazy. Does a crazy person know they're crazy? I haven't had enough sleep. I'm under a lot of pressure. Let's just say it's that. But it's still at the back of my mind. How do you know if you're crazy? When is the line crossed?

I haven't had a proper night's sleep since Tuesday night. I've been staying up doing assignments and getting up early to do assignments.
It was my birthday on Saturday and the lead singer of Ashestoangels came round to my house and did an acoustic set for me and my friend which was very awesome and surreal and then we went to My Burrito which was great! And still very surreal...Then I stayed up until about 3am trying to do assignments.
I got up at 8am Sunday because I had work and then stressed and wore me out. But I did go to this awesome place called Atomic Burger for dinner which was absolutely delicious. And then I stayed up late/got up early to do assignments.
The only reason I can function is because of energy drinks.
1 last assignment to do but I'm getting some fucking sleep tonight because I am dead.

Today was the deadline for assignments...
...except the 2 due in Monday...

I did not think that I would be able to do all the assignments I have done in the time space I've done it in. Seriously. There's 1 assignment that I didn't get in but I think if I can get it done on Monday then it will be submitted because of my breakdown and the fact that the course leader is awesome. I'm still really stressed though. I have 2 assignments to do in the space between now and monday and I've barely started them. Tomorrow's my birthday and I'm going out so no assignment work and on sunday I have work so that just leaves working all through the night. I've had 4 hours sleep wednesday night and 5 hours last night. I'm doing assignments tonight and probably tomorrow and sunday night as well. So I will be shattered.
However I do have 2.5 litres of cheap energy drink. Which is good. And I can make coffees. So I'll be fine...Did you know stress makes you tired?

I need to get myself out of my head
It's very hard to find motivation to do something you really don't want to do...
But then again if I don't get all my assignments in by Friday I fail the course...and my parents would just...I don't even know...
It's my birthday on Saturday and my friend organised for the lead singer of Ashestoangels (one of my favourite bands) to come and play an acoustic set to us at my house. Which is pretty fucking awesome. It really doesn't feel like it's nearly my birthday.
Sometimes it feels like I'm just doing things to keep everyone else happy.

My best friends mum hates me even though I've never met her and I always take my best friend home from gigs. Her mum doesn't even offer to pick her up (to my knowledge). It might be because I got her home at 2am once but technicalities. It's probably because I'm a bad influence...
The antidepressants I'm taking don't seem to be working as well as last time I took them. It could be because I'm under a lot of stress. I've got to make sure all my assignments are done by Friday and I've missed quite a lot because of my depression. So I'm hoping that I can get it all done but I somehow doubt it.
At least I have coffee...oh wait...I drank it all...
Hope you guys are ok, I should get back to doing assignments...