Becky MCR's blog

some days you wake up and think 'this is going to be a good day' and then it all goes to shit
other days you wake up and think 'this is going to be a rubbish day' and it turns out good
I hate some days

so i told my tutor about my depression because i can't get a doctor appointment for about 2 weeks...i was so nervous and scared i was squeezing my hands so tight that they were white for ages. i'm glad i told her though because although it doesn't seem like a weight off my shoulders, its out there and i can't run any more.

My mum bought Band Hero! We have 2 guitars (one Les Paul style) drums and a mic - I'm Not Okay is getting over played!

Title says it all. I love all you Killjoys and I am here for you even if its just for a virtual hug rather than my 'advice'.
You are all unique and should celebrate it.
Don't listen to the haters, if they judge on appearances, they are shallow, ignorant tossers.
So no matter where you are, who you are or what you've done, This Killjoy loves you forever.
So long and goodnight
Raven Candy
xoxoxoxoxoxo

http://www.petitiononline.com/13131318/petition.html
SIGN IT!!! We've already got more signs than the haters so lets completely overpower them and show them that Frank has done NOTHING wrong.
They can't put him away anyway because of this little human right called FREEDOM OF SPEECH/EXPRESSION
Danger Days is now blasting out because it is actually what I need right now.

I'm really proud of the comment I made about the haters on my last blog :)

Apparently he's inciting people to kill...
http://www.petitiononline.com/banlem/petition.html
read it a please comment on what you think...maybe just a bit more than stating that they're EFFING TOSSING WEINER-HEADS....but that's just my opinion, the ignorant need-someone-to-blame-so-lets-choose-the-band-that-saves-lives-just-because-they're-linked-to-emo-which-actually-just-describes-a-genre-of-music-and-emos-cut-themselves-even-though-that-is-also-a-lie-and-we-don't-want-to-look-past-our-own-noses-otherwise-we-might-see-some-truth-and-because-its-all-emo-that-means-its-linked-to-suicide-which-people-don't-do-because-of-depression-it-must-be-because-they're-so-irrational-that-they-do-it-because-of-the-music-they-listen-to-so-lets-blame-the-bands-instead-of-ourselves-because-it-obviously-can't-be-out-fault-because-we're-so-perfect people need to get a life check...
that went on a bit longer than planned...

Title says it all. I love all you Killjoys and I am here for you even if its just for a virtual hug rather than my 'advice'.
You are all unique and should celebrate it.
Don't listen to the haters, if they judge on appearances, they are shallow, ignorant tossers.
So no matter where you are, who you are or what you've done, This Killjoy loves you forever.
So long and goodnight
Raven Candy
xoxoxoxoxoxo

I'm mostly rubbish at advice. Any one who feels crappy, I love you for who you are and nothing will change that (unless you suddenly turn into an evil blood sucking leech who wants to destroy happiness, or something like that).

So one of my old friends, Tom, who never really stopped being my friend, persuaded me to join my old group of friends for lunch 'Jane' (ex-best-friend) wasn't in. Unfortunately because I let 'Jane' basically have all our firends I felt so left out because I haven't talked to them in like 6 months. 6 fucking months. It kind of made me feel better and worse. Better because I know I can still talk to them but worse because I fucking miss them. And seeing as what happened between me and 'Jane' was my fault I think I will continue to stay away.

Forgot to book a doctors appointment today so will call or go in tomorrow...what do you say when you go in though, 'I think I'm depressed' doesn't sound quite right...

So I gave this (what I think was) really good advice to a Killjoy and I cannot remember for the life of me what it was...it was about why you shouldn't give up on life...it's something I now want to save so that I can remind myself of the reasons why I should keep on living when I'm feeling down...So if I look familiar please repost my comment! Long shot I know but I think my brain could sometimes use it...

So tomorrow I'm taking the doctor's surgery number and making an appointment to discuss my insomnia and depression...hell i better not chicken out last minute...basically my mum has inspired me withput realising it...she's told us she's seeing a depression counciller friday evening and if she can do it, i can...

Me, my mum and my sister are on my bed - They're on their smart phones playing angry birds and I am on my laptop and we've listened to Paramore (all we know is falling), The Black Parade is Dead! and now we're onto Black Veil Brides (Set This World On Fire)

Yep in a crappy mood as always...revision isolates you so much it kinda pisses me off
My philosophy for yesterday was: 'Life sucks, then you die. But first life rapes you up the ass, slits your wrists, shoots you in the heart, kicks you in the head and punches you in the face.'
Doesn't it make you smile? I think its a pretty hard fact.

Been listening to Set the world the fire album by Black Veil Brides - such an awesome album I'd recommend to everyone - even if you didn't like the first album (like my sister) you might surprise yourself with this album (my sister loves it).

Last exam tomorrow...This weekend all of my old/ex friends went on a camping trip...feeling more alone than ever but at least I got the internet...You guys are great but I miss friends that will give me a hug every day (I only get hugs mondays and thursdays when I go to cadets which i will probably quit soon because its shit).

So can't actually tell if my ex boy friend is making a move or not and also not sure if I have feelings for him again and basically we have a plan to go round each others house and watch films...

Next thing - I think my mum is suffering from depression cus she has some books about how to get better from it without medecine...
I don't know if I should ask her about it or not...

If any Killjoys out there have any advice about either thing I'd be so grateful for it - thanks

Sleep at 2, wake up at 10 - I still say 8 hours of sleep is not enough but there we go...
Went to town today to spend my birthday monies XD And I shall tell you what I got...
I got: A BFMV top, 2 more tops, 2 BFMV CDs (Poison and Scream Aim Fire), Paramore CD (All we know is falling) and Avenged Sevenfold CD (Nightmare) and some black fingerless fake-leather gloves.
I also got 2 necklaces- a keyboard one for my sister and a toucan one for me (Toucan was our word of the day and we got many laughs from it XD)