Skip directly to content

ayla77's blog

[{"parent":{"title":"Get on the list!","body":" Get exclusive information about My Chemical Romance tour dates, video premieres and special announcements ","field_newsletter_id":"6388094","field_label_list_id":"6518500","field_display_rates":"0","field_preview_mode":"false","field_lbox_height":"","field_lbox_width":"","field_toaster_timeout":"10000","field_toaster_position":"From Bottom","field_turnkey_height":"500","field_mailing_list_params_toast":"&autoreply=no","field_mailing_list_params_se":"&autoreply=no"}}]
Syndicate content
Dracs at Subway

My older brother and I went to subway today. They play music all the time while your eating. Na na na came on the radio so we started singing it loudly. We got told to leave. They say we were desturbing the peace yet we were the only ones eating there at the time. I think the dracs overtook subway. Lol

With MCR I can make it through

Lately with everything going on I been so depressed and wanted to give up. I cry, I scream, I yell and ask why me, why my sister, why did we get hurt? I've wanted to hide, to run away, to make the pain stop but then I turned on some MCR music and I forget it all for awhile. With MCR I can smile, I laugh, I dance, and somehow I make it through the day


I'm tired of being sad:( everyone keeps saying things will get better that all sad and dark times will be over soon but it doesn't feel like it. I keep thinking if I just make it today tomorrow wont be so bad but everyday I wake upi still remember what happened to me and my sister. I just want to forget the pain.


Today I woke up with an ear ache, sore throat, cough, and stuffy nose. Not a fun day at all:( I hate being sick especially when I've had a crappy week already but listening to my chemical romance helps a lot. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them.


I feel like my head is gonna explode from all the stress lately. I'm worried about how the investigation is going on they guy who molested my sister and me, my other sister lost her baby, she was 4 months pregnant, and then I got to deal with people who dont get me. Its sucks ass all of it.


Is it just me or do people seem so judgemental? I got called emo cause I like MCR and I wear black. Wtf? It doesn't matter what people look like or what they wear. People need to stop judging. What I hate the most is when someone sees a person with scars on them and calls them a freak. To me I see beauty still in our scars and imperfections. Its what is on the inside that matters not looks. So I wear black and love MCR that is me and I don't change for no one!


Its 12am and I can't sleep again. Its been that way lately and it sucks. I don't want to throw a pity party or have people feel sorry for me. At least I'm alive at least the guy who molested me didn't kill me or my sister. I want to be strong, I want to smile through the pain, I want to be brave, to say yeah I'm ok but then I just cry and it makes me mad. Why do I cry, why can't I be brave, why can't I lie and say I'm ok? Its not enough that he molested me but he took control of my emotions. I feel hopeless but somehow I'm gonna find myself again.

im not okay

I been lying to my family and friends saying I'm okay and faking smiles when really I'm not okay and I want to cry. I'm going through a lot and everyone is just like it will be ok, go to therapy it will help, I'm here for u, pray to god. I don't want to do any of that. I want to scream and ask why me, I want to bottle the pain inside, most if all I want to blast My Chemical Romance and yell at the top of my lungs. I just want justice for my sister and me but I'm afraid.

scared and feeling alone

So lately things have been hard for me. My sister and I recently told the cops we were molested by a family friend and our mom knew about it. We had to relive everything that happened to us. Its been a nightmare getting through it. Parents are suppose to protect their children so what about me and my sister why weren't we protected? I keep thinking I did something wrong that maybe I'm bad and I deserved this. The cops say no its not my fault that the man is a bad and sick man. I'm so depressed. I want justice but I'm afraid what if he gets away, what if there are more victims?


so my birthday was yesterday:> i was just like blah about celebrating it but it was ok i got tons of messages from my friends saying happy birthday and my girlfriend called and sang to me and i went to the movies and out to eat. I got spoiled LOL so it was ok. I hate birthdays though cause i hate growing up it scares me!