amycake's blog

do you know this feeling when there is someone you like but you're not sure if the guy likes you too?
i mean i don't know if i really like her in that way i just know that she's nice and she likes me even i don't know if it is in that way.
it started when we had a reunion with our youth-group in my village. she was in my confirmation class (wow now you'll think i'm one of those jesus-freaks...) and she was one of those few people who didn't looked at me like i'm a monster or whatever....just because i look different because i have a different style doesn't mean i'm a inferior person!
well she was friendly and nice and i think we could be great friends but at this youth-group it was like there's something else. i didn't fall in love with her, i just noticed i like her because she's nice and i prefered spending my time with her than with my friend....

hey, i just saw thaat bob was selling his bp-drums on ebay a while ago...does anyone knows what happend to them. are they sold or...??
just wanted to know if anyone can answeaa me...

medicaation cake

soo two days ago i dyed my hair blue...
i think it's a bit strange if you just know me blond but i like it

hey,
it's cool to can be one of he first guys who can celebrate bullets 10th birthday!
it's still one of my favorites!
i thank them so much for this album because their songs mean much to me!
even i hate time difference and it isn't the 23 in us.... HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY BULLETS FROM GERMANY!!!

ok i got the letter!!!! WAAAAAAAAH

well i posted a blog i wrote that i wanted to go to america for a year....well i think i made a step on that way
they send me a letter and want to get to know me. so next month i will go to frankfurt and have kind of "interview" with them....if i won't tell tooooo much shit i have a chance to go to america and if i really have luck i get the scholarship....
i hope so because it's a lot of money.....my parents will get poor but they said if i really want that i can go....just have to get the place....i think my chance isn't sooo bad...i hope so...
haha ,aybe i'll see one of you in a year xD

i'm confused. there's this girl. this girl i really like. she's my best friend and mybe the only person who really knows me. i know her from kind of forum and am writing with her since a year. we're texting every day and i really like her. we have this kind of joke to say she's my girlfirend and that we love each other...nobody unrstands but it's kind of funny. no one knows that i also like girls so they know it's not real i think. i just don't know if she also knows it's not real.
i just saw her once before she moved away. now she lives in poland. next time she will return to germany will be in winterholiday. i really wanna see her because she's the only person who care about me.

ok i feel better today and the only thing which can make you feeling even better is chocolate......soooooo i thing i'll make a cake....for me and my BROOOOOOOOOOOOO (i don't really like him but he will eat it anyway so...) and my mami and daddy.....yes....and maybe i'll send a piece to england because my sister works there as aupair and she's not allowed to eat sweets because the kids aren't......but it could get corrupt....i'll eat it for her!
ok my dad walked in and said he wants to make lunch.....so no caketime ow xD
later!
i'll send all of you a piece...fuck why am i so happy? xDDD

i feel so used and dirty and...unclean.
i don't know.
i hate my life because noone caes about how i feel. i told my "best friend" how i feel and that i don't know why i feel like this and don't know how i could change this and when she asked why and i told her that i don't know she said ok......OK!

[Post edited: Please refrain from posting about self harm. The moderators have explicitly said that all posts containing self harm will be edited, with no exceptions. If you need somebody to talk to, you could ask people to message you and most people will be happy to help. Unfortunately, due to serious legal issues we cannot allow posts of this nature, so don't take it personally. Sorry, and thank you for understanding.]

3. No self harm posts
If you are feeling like you may harm yourself please contact someone who can help.

yesterday was my last day at school....in six weeks i'll be in 9th class.....till that day i have nothing to do. i think rhe most of y friends will igrnore me for the next three weeks so i have enough time to do nothing, write more fanfiction and be depressed because noone cares.....ok i just write this because i had a shitty day....because yesterday was a shitty day........

i just had this thoughts about selfharm the last days......i stopped cutting two month before but today i did it again. i felt so alone and relised that noone noticed that i was cutting myself last tine and that they didnt really care about me and my problems and that i'm just there for telling their shit anyone.....i just felt so alone. i cutted and thought i would feel better...i think it's deaper than the last time. i don't feel better. i just feel nothing anymore. i'm just empty.