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BlueBurnsBlack's blog

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on a personal note

well my 22nd birthday is coming up and I don't really want anything

cuz what I asked for I'm doing on the 29th

and what I really want no girl wants to do that with me or likes me or they do want to do it but are underage and half way across the globe.

is it really that hard?

How do you tell if a girl has blown you off?

so I went on a date with a girl my age and it seemed like all was well but at the end of the night I got no kiss goodnight or a hug goodnight.

I just talked to her while waiting on my ride since she didn't want to drive me home.

anyways I was talking to her yesterday and the day before just small talk she seemed to be happy and all but then today I asked her if we would see each other again she replied idk.

I feel used.

shit why does this keep happening to me?

I guess I wasn't meant to be in a relationship at all.

So where's your heart?

Well I know there's nothing I can say to make you stay, but where's your heart ? But wheeeerrrrrreee's your heaaarrrttt?

Well I know this life is so demanding I
, but where's your heart? But where's your hearrrt?
I can't speak!

I am not afraid to keep on living , I'm not afraid to walk this world alone honey if you stay I'll be forgiven nothing you can say will stop me from going home.

Now that its said and done how many of you are walking this world alone?

It's just so frustrating

Life in general ( so does that entitle me your god) ?

So stressed out I drew a murial of my life today but it was shitty since I can't draw without tracing

But it represented radioactivity in my life which means the radioactivity is me trying to find my cause and purpose in life and everyone around me dragging me around like a rag doll.

Then I drew a grim reaper with a golden skull and blood teeth because in life you have battles where you get bloody but from wealth brings you death. In other words the more wealthy you are the more obsessed with power and fame you become , so you become mental and Croke on your on disease.

Anyways I'm supposed

Therapy and insanity( I never said I was powerfull I said I was a wizard)

Ugh I have therapy tonight and I've kinda run out of topics to talk about.

It's always the same shit, are u taking your Meds ? are you feeling of hurting yourself? That shit the answers are the same always , I say yes I'm taking my Meds no I don't want to hurt myself , and all that even when secretly I really do.

It's just I have nothing to talk about when I go tonight but I do know there's a really cute girl on here ( she probably knows who she is) I'd date her if I wasn't 21.

Is that weird ?

dreams and melodies

so last night I had a dream that started out as a kayak race on a river with my old buddy Alex, then it turned into a woodsball paintball game in my old neighborhood with my two old friends Matt and Brendon, then out of no where's it turns into a tornado and i get swept up and thrown 11 miles from my home. but the weirdest thing is when I woke up it was 3:00 AM and storming.


So it's thundering and lightning outside but no rain I just happend to be awake right now.

Anyways it's 1 week from Memorial Day weekend in the US and I am exstacticly waiting for the weekend so I can go get 4th of July Fireworks. I know most of y'all are from the UK but the 4th of July is like Christmas for me except its in Summer and there's bright colors and loud explosions.

And since my dream job is to sell and set of fireworks in shows what better way than learning how to run a show by setting of consumer fireworks.

Now back to the thunderstorm it's pretty calm now, I watched a little


It feels worse than before , like I don't even want to do the things that make me happy anymore I don't care about school anymore I'm constantly messaging girls in hope that they would date me. ( they all think I'm crazy)

I just don't care about anything anymore

we couldn't think of a title

Application for Partner in Crime

Females Apply Only

2. Age
3. Height
4.Eye Color
5. Hair Color
6. (if not shy to answer this ) Bra size
7. Location
8. Car
9. Willing to relocate if outside the USA
10.Do you own a gun?
11. Have you ever been arrested?
12. Do you play video games?
13. If Yes what games?
14. Are you OCD?
15. Have you ever left the country?
16. If so where have you been?
17. ( if your comfortable answering) Are you a Virgin?
18. What's your Favorite Drink?
19. Favorite Food?
20. Clothing Style?
21. Favorite Color?
22. Favorite Song?
23. Favorite Genre Music?
24. (last but

[Post edited: Please refrain from posting about self harm as it is against the rules you agreed to when you signed up for the website and is distressing for others]

3. No self harm posts
If you are feeling like you may harm yourself please contact someone who can help.

Call 1-800-273-8255 or visit or You can also contact The Trevor Project at or by calling their Lifeline at 866-488-7386.