I NEED YOU FEEDBACK!!!!! LIKE NOW!! PLEASE!

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I NEED YOU FEEDBACK!!!!! LIKE NOW!! PLEASE!

I NEED FEEDBACK!!!

I am asking for your opinion on everything from names and personalities to story line. If you are interested in helping PLEASE message me!!! I am also looking for a name for this "movie" script, actually for the movie itself. I will owe you my LIFE!

CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS

Ashlynn Weiss- A 16 year old who appears superficial and vain when we first meet her (think Amber Sweet from Repo! The Genetic Opera) She is spoiled, rich, and very self absorbed. She cares almost as much for Maddie Majors as she does for herself, Maddie is the only one she even cares about. She is a brand-whore, dressed from head to toe in designer everything. Ashlynn is the “adopted” daughter of Brent and Janice Majors. Ashlynn’s parents were Eddie and Carmen Weiss, they were killed 6 years before our story opens and are only seen in Ashlynn’s flash backs. She found her parents dead. Ashlynn has emotional instability, which is visible when she is alone. She tends to solve her problems with “Retail Therapy” and is well put together at all times. She is the type of person who, like many well-off girls, has one best friend who acts as more of an “assistant”

Allora DeSpair- Allora is Ashlynn’s best friend. An introverted, bookish girl, with long black hair, always in a “Wednesday Addams” type braid. Allora is set to be valedictorian of her class, and is very good at putting things together. Allora’s mother, Marni, is a psychiatrist and is disapproving of Allora, and her relationship with Ashlynn.
Madeline Majors- Maddie is the “heart” of the story, an innocent 5 year old, angelic in her looks, a pale young girl with blonde ringlets. Maddie is a sweetheart, slightly silly, but almost always calm. She is reminiscent of a young Jenny from Forrest Gump (without the southern accent) Maddie loses her parents (Brent and Janice Majors) in the opening scene.

Dawson Wallace- Ashlynn’s boyfriend, a definite representation of the “opposites attract” Dawson is a very dark, slight guy who is very “Mikey Way”esque. Slightly nerdy, slightly emo. He is the down-to-Earth kind of guy. He keeps Ashlynn reined in, and also calms her/

SCENE ONE

*scene opens; obviously late at night, a dimly lit room, a girl dressed in typical almost "goth" clothing is Lounging on a sofa. A young girl, a blue-eyed blonde with ringlet curls, about 5 lies on the couch apparently asleep; the sound of an approaching car is heard as headlights pass the window; the teenager rises from the couch and walks to the railing facing the front door, she is not visable to anyone who would step through the door. We see the door open and a young couple step through, laughing, obviously a little intoxicated"

Man: (The stereotypical “Father” figure; a drunk blonde, petite and slender is on his arm, both of them evidently drunk) Ashlynn!! We're home! Tell the kids we are ba-
*the lights go out; a scream is heard, when the lights come back on a coroner is zipping a body up in a body bag. As they carry the body down stairs they pass another body bag*
Coroner: "I will go and zip up the older brothers body.... such a shame... what a beautiful family.."
* Atall tan brunette with a cat-like quality, similar to Megan Fox, walks towards the houseCarrying several shopping bags, she is obviously not aware of the situation until she looks up from her cell phone: She drops it when she sees the scene that has unfolded in front of the house ; the police have the area blocked off; the girl runs up to caution tape and jumps over it; the police officer grabs her*
Ashlynn: What happened? Is someone hurt?
Officer:" ma'am I'm sorry you can't come in here"
Ashlynn:" Where is she. Where is Maddie."
Officer: pardon me? Only family and authorized personelle are allowed In Here"
Ashlynn: I am family goddammit! (screaming as the wheel the young girl out on a stretcher) MADDIE!!!! (runs toward Madeline, the young girl seen sleeping in previous scene, and grabs her as her practically lifeless body lies on a stretcer)
Officer: Someone restrain her!!!
*a man; police officer; rushes toward Ashlynn and she struggles to get loose, she falls and the screen goes black*
*Now in a hospital*
Madeline: Ash? (barely talking)
Ashlynn (who is bruised severly but sitting in a chair next to Madeline’s bed) : I’m here sweetie I’m here.
Madeline: Where are mommy and daddy?
Ashlynn: Well sweetie.. they umm…. They aren’t here anymore …
Madeline: where are they?
Ashlynn: Wysteria Grove Cemetary
Madeline (pauses): Ashlynn?
Ashlynn: Yes?
Madeline: Why am I not dead?
Ashlynn: I don’t know..
Madeline: Why are you not dead?
Ashlynn: I wasn’t home…

Doctor: Excuse me I’m looking for Madeline Majors?
Ashlynn: That’s her
Doctor: And you are? It says here her guardians are deceased
Ashlynn: I’m her sister
Doctor: There is no sister listed on the chart… ah wait there is, an adopted one. Ashlynn Weiss? That is you I presume?
Ashlynn: Yea, that’s me.

Doctor: Well then Miss Weiss you will be pleased to know that Madeline will be alright. There was no wounds, all though you can expect her to be a little traumatized. PTSD often has a strong effect on younger children, especially those under the age of 5
Maddie- I am five.
Doctor- Well yes, I can see that. You should be able to go home in no time. Once we find you a home you’ll be all-
Ashlynn: A home? What the hell are you talking about!
Doctor: Seeing as both of her legal guardians are deceased and you are not of the age to support for a young child I am afraid we must put her in a foster home but until we can locate one I am afraid that we must put her in the orphanage. She will be fine Miss Weiss, really, she’ll have lots of friends there, and lots of toys, how does that sound sweetie? Does your new home sound fun?
Maddie- I don’t need a new home. I have one already at 426 Briarwood Lane
Ashlynn: You can’t just do that to her! She’s lost her whole blood family in one night, I’m all she has left.
Doctor: I’m afraid you will both have to go to the orphanage, I’m so sorry dear *putting a friendly hand on Ashlynn’s shoulder; Ashlynn winces in pain* Miss Weiss, are you alright?
Ashlynn: Yes, I’m fine its just a bruise.
Doctor: Here let me take a look
Ashlynn: No, it’s fine
Doctor: Miss Weiss, please I just want to make sure it’s nothing severe *rolling her sleeve up, revealing a small bruise, which is not a major injury, but a much longer gash on her arm, that is scarred over* Your right, its nothing. Excuse my prodding into your personal affairs Miss Weiss but, how did you get that scar?