I feel kinda replaced. My best friend's recently started hanging out with this guy, and well...We don't get on particularly well...Everyone's been warning her he's trouble, and she won't listen. I don't want to see her hurt, and at the same time I feel completely and utterly replaced. It's like, every single time I call her or text her, he's there, every time we meet up, he's there, the other day she was meant to be coming round my house, when she was half an hour late I called, 'cause I thought maybe her train was delayed or something, but instead she'd bumped into him at the station, and they were headed off to the park. Like, I know she's completely entitled to have other friends, obviously I'm not a bitch like that, but when he's around I just feel like some dorky kid, like that friend that no one really likes. And the fact that he puts me down and insults me half the time doesn't help much either. It's just...Gah. I get so angry. When I got off the phone to her the other day I just turned and beat the shit out of my living room wall. It's just, it's not the first time it's happened, it's happened about 3 times now. Like, about a week ago, when they left me and two others sitting on a park bench in the cold for an hour or so, or the day after, when they walked off and left Alex, Charlie and I on a bench in the park at night, we almost got mugged and missed our train, and then yesterday, when I was sat at home, checking the front door every so often, assuming the train was delayed, then to find she'd gone off with him instead. :/ I mean, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against them being friends, I'm happy for their friendship, and I'm happy for them, I'm just not happy about being constantly insulted and ignored/forgotten about, like some unwanted pet left in the rain. That's what I feel like as well, I feel pathetic when I'm trying to catch up to them, only to be ignored anyway. It's like, why do I bother? What's the point in trying anymore? I'm so used to rejection now, why doesn't it hurt any fucking less?! So yeah, I'm just gonna go to bed tonight and down that bottle of whiskey in my room, I'm gonna get fucking drunk, I'm gonna fuck shit up and do stuff I regret, 'cause I don't fucking care anymore. What's the point? I'm just some dorky, ugly, worthless kid.
Keep Running Killjoys.
