Pretty Broken is the taste of the medicine you take.

Vampire princess's picture

Pretty Broken is the taste of the medicine you take.

So I'm currently surviving on a diet of Caffeine, Liquor and biscuits. I dunno...Lately I've had no motivation to do anything I love anymore, in Art yesterday I just kinda sat there and in fucking, an hour and a half I'd drawn one eye...It wasn't even what we were meant to be drawing, we were told to draw the fucking iron work we'd been doing for the past month or so, and my patronizing lady of a teacher was like "Come on! We're doing it with paints this week! You can even stick things to your picture!!" To which I replied "Yeah we're using something different to draw it, but it doesn't change the fact that it's the same [fucking] thing we've been drawing for a month now..." I didn't even bother handing my book in at the end of the lesson, I just grabbed my bag and upped and left. I dunno, I mean, since I've started at this new college, not gonna lie, it's a lot better than where I was, it's not in the greatest part of town, the majority of my friends there do drugs, heck, one of them tried to roll a joint in class before the teacher came back. But it's fucking better than where I was, which was some posh county sixth form college, fucking 14 miles from home, where I was relentlessly picked on every day for the best part of my secondary school life. I got kicked out of there 'cause I failed my exams, and I'm worried that the same will happen here, I dunno, I just get to this stage eventually where I don't care anymore, it happened at my last college and it's happening now, and I just fear that if I don't get into the second year here, then nowhere else will accept me...And all my friends in class keep asking if I'm gonna go out at break and lunch with them to get high, and I usually refuse which leaves me stuck sitting in the hallway on my own, like today. (It was okay today though, 'cause a friend of mine, whom I knew before I started here, and who kinda showed me around on my first day 'cause he's in the year above me [Although we're the same age pretty much...] But yeah, he came out his class and sat with me and we just talked and laughed and ate cookies, he gave me some chocolate bars and we discussed how epic energy drinks were...He's seriously one of my best friends right now.) But yeah, most days I just feel so alone, and I'm just tired all the time, and people sometimes ask what's wrong but I just say I'm fine 'cause it's easier than telling them I feel fucking empty inside, and have done for almost 2 years now. I was talking to my best friend in the world ever during break and she was saying how she wanted to pass maths and get somewhere in life and go to Uni, and I just told her that I didn't see myself doing any of that any time soon, in fact quite the opposite I plan to drop out of maths when I get my exam results (I've got another D...Or an E...I know it) But yeah, I just told her that the only plans I had in my life were to get a job, and maybe an apartment, but they both seem pretty impossible, I've applied to so many jobs and I haven't even had one interview. I'm probably just a generally repulsive person. But yeah, she just told me that she wasn't gonna give me money when I wound up homeless on the streets of London. I said I wouldn't be begging for money anyway 'cause I wouldn't want to waste people's time, and she just laughed. But yeah, long story short, I've been feeling shit for a long time now, lately even more so, everyone lied when they said "It gets better" I'm gonna wind up a lonely homeless jobless person, and I've only got half a bottle of Baileys left. FUCK. Anyways...If any of you noticed the song reference in the title, then YOU HAVE AWESOME MUSIC TASTE. That is all.
(P.S. I apologize for the foul language...It's late...)
(P.P.S. I also apologize if I came across as a moody good for nothing cunt, and I'm sorry if you wasted your time reading this.)
(P.P.P.S If this blog gets deleted like so many of my other blogs have, I will cry and accept that even on the internet, it's not socially acceptable to tell people how you feel.)