So a while ago, and I mean ages ago, when asked how he was, my friend replied with "Well, my heart's still beating, isn't it?" I thought maybe it was dark humor, or sarcasm or something...But two weeks later, ...he attempted suicide (And I'm choking up while writing this, all these months later) Thank god, he was okay, and he's still around today, but this has troubled me every day since, and for ages I wondered why, like I mean obviously I asked him, and he gave me a pretty vague answer, I didn't want to pry as it's a sensitive subject, but not a day goes by that I don't think of that night, and when I found out, how it felt like all the air had been punched out of my lungs, and lately I've started to understand the answer he gave all those months ago...That yeah you may be breaking down emotionally, but physically you're fine, you're in great physical condition, even if emotionally you're a wreck. I dunno, it's just every day when I see him, no matter how great a day it's been, I'm still reminded of that night and I can't help but feel really fucking guilty all the time, like, if I'd just texted him, or called him, or maybe if when he gave that answer I'd asked what's up, instead of just brushing it off...I dunno, and then I get critisized on here for drinking, but how the fuck else am I meant to fucking drown those thoughts, but yeah, the point of all this is, I now understand what he meant all those months ago, and never brush off anything worrying your friends say, 'cause to take notice could well save their life.
Anyway, I'm probably just posting this 'cause it's the early hours of the morning and I've had a bit to drink and I'm a bit (very) stressed out, but yeah, I'll shut the fuck up now and leave you guys alone. Not like this will be read anyway, lately I've had a better responses from brick walls than I have from people.
Anyway. Night.
Oh, and I don't give a fuck if posting this goes against some kind of rule on here, it's my fucking blog.
