Just some stuff I feel I need to write about, y'know, to get off my chest and all...Also, where'd all my blogs go? O.o

I'm gonna throw it out there right now, that I'm a fucking failure. And before anyone goes: "No you're not! Believe in yourself!" Etc etc, this is why... Okay basically, I don't know if anyone here knows, I doubt it, but I like drinking erm, a lot. The three pictures with this blog are all from or of, hello, moi. Yeah...Not exactly great right? Like, the first one, of the recycling bin full of empty bottles and cans...I don't even remember that whole weekend. The second one, yeah that's me, lying under Robin's bathroom sink, after having drunk myself into unconsciousness, I then stayed there for an hour and a half, got up, drank some more, and passed out in his bedroom, for another hour, in a puddle of Pepsi. Nice. And then the third picture, lying on the floor of my friend Danii's house...Yeah I'm not even sure anymore. And these can probably be justified by saying something like "Oh but these are just 3 occasions? Right?" No. We're talking about 2, maybe 3 times a week. That's part of the reason why I'm a failure, the other part, is that medically, I've been told I can't drink for 2 weeks. I was told that last week, and I got hammered this Saturday night. Smooooth. So yeah, I was medically advised not to drink, and what do I do? First opportunity I get, I give my friend Harry £5 to buy me a four pack of K Cider (If you're a lightweight, then like, 1 can will fuck you up...I bought a 4 pack.) I'm not even gonna lie here, I had a fucking amazing time on Saturday night, I was watching over the videos that Katie took, and Sarah was drunk too, we went skipping around, not for long though, as I fell over, and had to be helped back up. :/ At one point in one of the videos, Katie shouts "Oh my god Izzie look! It's Billie Joe Armstrong!!" And I run/stagger/fall off into the distance screaming "Biiilllliiieee!!!" ...Nice. Also, this particular Saturday night, I also nearly got mugged/assaulted, so yeah, at this point I was going to the woods to meet Harry, for him to give me the K, but I walked off out of Castle Grounds, and straight into 4 chavs (Basically hooded thugs) Luckily, by this point I wasn't drunk, but they basically surrounded me, and were sneering stuff like "Ew. Look at you. Are you a boy or a girl?" "You look dirt man." "Are you a lesbian? You must be, you gotta be bi at least!" I told them I was straight, and they then edged towards me, and the guy in red was like "If you're straight that means you like cock, eh?" And I was like "Erm, no..." And edged away, and they all edged closer, and the guy in red started undoing his trouser zipper and was like "C'mon, all straight girls love a bit o' cock!" At which point I broke free and ran down the hill to meet Harry. So thank god, that was all resolved. But yeah. This is basically me just writing this, and trying to admit to you guys that maybe, I do need a bit of help. But like, I really don't, I don't see the problem with drinking? Which is totally hypocritical of me, since my dad used to drink heavily and get really really angry, ...But I figured I'd write this while sober, and maybe someone will take notice...Anyway, I'm going out with friends this Friday, it's the day of my last exam, so I have an excuse to drink then. Don't judge meh! DX It tastes good and makes me happy. And it's more legal than drugs, so I don't understand why people are so up tight about it...I dunno...I just decided to write this, 'cause I got up just now to go into the kitchen and my stomach felt like it was ripping itself to shreds (And it's not even that time of the month, btw...) So I thought it might be linked to the whole "I can't drink for 2 weeks thing" And then I couldn't tell dad, so I just took some painkillers and sat down to write this, hoping that you guys would be more understanding. Anyway...I'm gonna go to bed now, and hope that my stomach stops hurting. Night guys! Hopefully I'll speak to you all soon. <3
P.S. All my blogs seem to have disappeared? Is my computer playing up, or...? O.o