Heya guys, sorry I've noticed that a lot of my blogs have quite a serious element to them O.o It's probably 'cause I'm so bubbly and full of laughter in real life, haha, I don't have much time to be serious around my non internet-y friends...But yeah, I was reading some of the stories and notes on the To Write Love On Her Arms FB page, and it reminded me of a friend. It was really just one story in particular, about drug addiction and stuff, reminded me about one of my best friends throughout secondary school (High school, basically :P) But yeah, don't read this if you don't want to, I'm just writing it 'cause I kinda want to tell someone, but like, not in real life...Like, my best friend hates this guy who I'm about to tell you about, so she wouldn't listen, Jack, well...I dunno I can't talk to him at the moment, I'm not sure if he's alright with my existence on this planet to be honest...And I've told Robin a bit, but not much. So yeah, here goes....So, in Year 8, I made friends with this guy called Ben, and he was an epic guy, into metal, rock, great artist, and amazing friend. We became friends almost immediately, I can't even remember properly how we met...It was either in Religious Studies or Math...But yeah, he was, and still is, I suppose, one of my best friends, we would talk about everything in class, like, everything, from music to how shitty the school was. He's from Bulgaria, too, so every summer he'd go off there for 6 weeks, and tell me all about it when he got back. It sounds great? Doesn't it? It's just there's a downside to this story as well, I guess it's to be expected really...A story about drug use can never really be all happy go lucky, hah. But yeah, I remember in about Year 9, he told me about how his dad was a bit of a religious nut, how he'd try to "Beat the devil" out of Ben, and just basically be a violent cunt to him. Yeah, I must have been about 13, maybe 14 when he told me this, and Ben, who'd been held back a year must've been 15...Maybe 16 at the time. So I didn't really know what to do to be honest, I mean, what's a 14 year old meant to do with information like this? I suggested the usual things, like how he should call up ChildLine, or talk to a teacher, or stay over mine or Rylan's (His best friend in the world ever), but he told me that he wouldn't be allowed out, that telling a teacher would make it worse, and there was nothing ChildLine could do. So anyway, this continued, and I was constantly worried about him, and then one day, in the middle of the school year, this guy called Jordan came up to our table in maths, and he leaned over and was like "Oi, either of you two interested in buying a joint off me?" And I was like, really nieve, and asked "What's a joint?" (Ha-derp) and he told me "Y'know, weed, green." So I knew that he was talking about drugs, and instantly said no, but Ben on the other hand asked to know more. He said he didn't have any money, but he could steal a bottle of his dad's Rum or something (I can't remember exactly what now) in exchange, so Jordan agreed, and I guess that's where it all started. Like y'know, at first it was just weed, and I know it's illegal and all, but it could be worse. And it eventually was. At some point in Year 10...I think it was, Ben was telling me in art about how he'd moved onto harder drugs, stuff like Ketamine, and Ecstasy, and I tried to tell him to stop there, and quit while he was behind, but I dunno, he wouldn't, he insisted it was fine, then about June time in Year 10, some real shit went down with his family, again I can't remember the exact details, but I think his dad just went psycho, and Ben confided in me his plans to run away from home, live on the streets of London and enroll in the army as soon as he was able to, at that point, myself, Rylan, Brett, we all tried to convince him not to run away, and eventually he left home and went to stay with Rylan for a month or so...Toward the end of June though he told me that he was going to disappear on Wednesday the 30th he didn't say where he was going, or what he was going to do, but I was really worried...About a week, maybe 3 days before the 30th, I joined him and Rylan in afterschool and we went to the church graveyard, they were both massive Parkour/freerunning fans, and were gonna try to climb the church. While Ben was climbing I took Rylan aside and told him what Ben had said to me, about how on the 30th he was gonna disappear, and Rylan looked at me, and said "Of course, that's when my mum's kicking him out! Shit, what are we gonna do?" ...Ben was annoyed when he found out I'd told Rylan, but in all honesty I'm glad I did, 'cause it was sorted out that he'd stay at Brett's for a few months, until he was moved into foster care with Brett's aunt and uncle . Anyway, that was year 10, buy year 11 he was still using drugs, and had progressed into more heavier stuff, he was showing me scars on his forearms from where he'd done Heroine, and talking to me about all the stuff he'd done over the weekend...Well, I'm in year 12 now...Headed into year 13, and Ben's not in school anymore...I haven't seen him for months, but I know he's still around, and I know he's still using...Just not as bad anymore, I think. But yeah, the last time I saw him was hanging out with some rather chavy (Thuggish...) guys outside the subway near school...I knew they were dodgy kind of people, so rather than go and say hi, I smiled at him and waved from a distance...I feel really bad whenever I think back to that day, 'cause what if that's the last time I see him? I have no idea where he is now, he just seems to drift from one place to another, and he's not at School/Sixth From anymore because he assaulted a teacher (Something I think the year 8 Ben would never do...) He went to another college, the one that I happen to be transferring to (Simply because the Sixth Form I'm at now sucks!) But he was kicked out of there too...Basically what I'm saying is, drugs took away the best friend I had...He may not be truely gone forever, but the funny, charming, metal/rock loving, great artist kind friend I had in years 8 and 9 is gone now, and it's 'cause drugs fucked him up. I'm sorry about this blog, but I just really wanted to tell someone about it, it's been eating me alive recently. I don't even care if no one reads this, I'm just glad I wrote it down. Ben's still alive, he's still kicking, but I wish he hadn't made those choices, or got involved with the people he did...And in a way, I can understand WHY he did it, he had an abusive father, he probably wanted an escape route, they made him feel good...But god...I wish I knew what to say to him back then, before it got too serious, to make him stop, or even slow down.
So yeah, ranty blog over now guys...I'm kinda scared that by some miracle he'll find this blog (I know he won't, but I worry) But then on the other hand, I kinda hope he DOES somehow read it...'Cause I've never been good with words, and writing them down has always been easier than saying it out loud.
Anyway, I'm off now, speak later guys.
Keep Running.
And I hope this blog got through to at least one person...Somehow...Maybe...I'll go now.
