Finally

thinkHappythoughts13's picture

Finally

Yesterday I had an appointment with my therapist. The last time I was there was about three weeks ago, because she's had a lot of doctor's appointments and things like that, so I've had a lot of time to dwell on the things I wanted to talk about this time.

I'll explain a bit before I go on, actually- I've been feeling depressed since a little under a year ago. It began pretty much just after me and my girlfriend started going out. Lucky her, having to deal with a whiny little fuck like me. She'd been begging me to bring up the idea of a therapist with my parents for a long time, as my depression was affecting things like school, hobbies, and most importantly our relationship. All of the things I used to do, I was feeling horrible about. I used to draw, write, play bass a whole lot more. Every time I'd pick it up and play I would just end up frustrated and crying. It was to the point when I'd feel it every night at least, and sometimes during the day in school as well. It's at its worst now, sometimes in class I've started getting overwhelmed with the feeling and had to leave the room because I'd start crying. My outlook on things now and in the future has been absolute shit for a long time.

So yeah, I've been seeing someone about these things for months now, I actually can't remember how long exactly. And so far it's done nothing for me. Last April, my family doctor was thinking of prescribing me antidepressants, but my parents weren't open to that idea. I was finally fed up with trying to talk about things, and went into my appointment yesterday feeling angry at my therapist and everyone who tried to help me and failed, including myself I guess. But I just ended up crying and begging her to believe me when I said that I was sure this wasn't just a time when I was feeling down, that I needed more than what I was getting. It's been too much lately. I've ended up almost ending things with my girlfriend too many times to count, and I've been too unmotivated to do anything useful or do the things that made me happy. And finally, yesterday, I was told that I should see a therapist to be diagnosed and that I would probably get some pills and the help that I need. It's such a relief, and I can't wait.