A new blog after a long time.

It's been a while since I've posted a blog on here.

So, the past few weeks I have been the most depressed I've ever been, but... I'm slowly making my way up.
It all began with a message a friend sent saying that he doesn't give an "f" about any of his old friends anymore... including me.

Yeah. As you can imagine, I was devastated. He hates me with all of his soul, doesn't care about me and... even though everyone is like, "Don't let it get you down; it's not worth it"... secretly, almost, it is. It hurts me. It kills me, even. Like a knife to my spine, his words are to my heart.

But he doesn't care. All those times when I felt like he didn't and he told me that he did and that he loved me and that I was one of the only people in his life keeping him from committing suicide... he never meant it.

He doesn't feel any empathy towards my situation at all.

Why, you may ask?

Because he can never admit to having a problem. Because he can never admit to being wrong.
Because he believes, somewhere deep behind the "I'm worthless" and "I should just die because I'm a nuisance" crap that clutters up his sight and spirit is someone who believes he is God's gift to mankind; the "Romeo" to all of the "Juliettes" in the world, made apparent by the fact he screwed some girl he knew for two weeks after proclaiming his undying love for his ex-girlfriend of a year and a half.

But, then again, I can't tell this to his face. Hell, he'd kill himself. Or would he? I don't even know what goes through his mind. Nor do I want to.

Sane? Insanity? Disillusioned, perhaps?

God knows. And only He can help him at this point.
I pray that God breaks his heart and drags him through the mud, so that he sees that he needs help and that he will search for it and return home and prove that he can be a man and not a coward who relies on running and suicide threats for solving his problems.

But... I don't know.
I, personally, am in a good mood. I hope he is too; I wish him the best, as I've always said. But I also hope God touches his heart and brings him back. Or touches his heart and makes his testicles drop. Whichever happens first, lol. ;)