Something I wrote, please give me your Opinion of it, and be truthful!!

Strangegirl484's picture

Something I wrote, please give me your Opinion of it, and be truthful!!

As the night drew near
and all I could hear
was that fear
That filled my soul

He had been there
standing like a statue
so still I could not see
He who would harm me

I walked past not knowing
the fate that would befall me
I heard steps in sync with mine
but I thought it was a trick of my mind

Until I felt that cloth on my mouth
that arm wrapping around my waist
and the weightlessness of unconsciousness

I woke to something cool on my neck
something metallic on my wrist
“what were they?” I wondered until
I knew what they were, they were chains

I had been captured by he
the one who would follow me
until the end of time

He stroked my hair and cheek
and if I was the most fragile doll
I screamed and fought but I was weak

He laughed and pushed me to a wall
and with a smirk he said
“tonight it our last and only night then
we will be together for an eternity”

I was faint from the word
and collapsed comatose
I woke to see him lying next to me

I gasped and tried to scream
but he was on me
he's hands grasping harshly at my neck
but before I could scream or speak

He smirked and quoted this to me
“I love your whispers
I love your screams
I love you in waking
I love you in dreams

I love you in turquoise
I love you in white
I love you in darkness
I love you in the light
I love you tomorrow
I love you today
I love you beyond what mortal words can say
I love you in fury
I love you in control
I love you in circles 7 times around my soul.”

He quoted the song as if he wrote it
he looked to me as if it made me feel better
I looked at him with fear and contempt
I was afraid for I knew my fate
I would die tonight with this man in site

I begged him for life, for freedom
but he denied it, he want me
to be with him in eternity

I saw, at that moment, his pain,
his life shown threw his eye
and what I saw was suffering
a young boy hated and condemned

A young man laughed at by young women
I could see the people looking at him
with fear and loathing, and I felt-
I felt pity for him and I knew this:

That I would die that night
that I would die so this man
could see that he wasn't alone
I smiled softly and touched his hands
the hands that still held my neck tightly
He looked at me softly and he relaxed his grip

“Yes, I will stay and be with you”
I said still a bit afraid but I knew
that in these last hours
I would show him love that he never knew

A love that only can from the heart
a true love, a pure love, a love
that could exceed all bounds,
a love that would show him he wasn't alone

The hours past and the light drew near
They spoke and laughed and smiled
Her fear long forgotten and the love grew,
it grew evermore until it could grow nevermore

She looked at him and he at her
and she could hear the police
somehow they had found her
she hoped that she and he would survive

She looked in his eyes for the love
but at that moment she felt the pain
the pain of being stabbed in the heart
“why” she asked with a gasp

“Thank you for showing me love,
Thank you for coming with me to
the eternal place” he answered
and with that he took the knife

the same one that had stabbed her
and he stabbed himself, his eyes,
his eyes shown pain and fear that
matched her own.

She smiled and moved to him
and he to her, they smiled
with a fearful and pained smile

“I love you” she whispered dying
“I love you” he replied struggling
Tears ran down his eyes and she
she smiled and kissed his tears away

He looked at her with surprise
a happy and indulgent look of bliss
he moved his lips to hers
and their lips met for a soft kiss

The kiss lingered even after they kissed
slowly she fell, unconscious, on to his chest
he smiled sadly and kissed her head
ever so softly stroking her hair and her hand

Slowing he fell unconscious laying his head on hers
the police finally got into the hidden room but,
it was to late they were both dead.

She awoke in a white soft cotton dress
He awoke in white cotton pants and
a white cotton tunic.
Slowly they turned to see each other

They embraced each other with pure love
He held her so close and tightly pulling her to him
She whispered into his ear “I love you, and here
is a poem that makes me think of us,
The poem had been from the show The Crow,:
I've lived a thousand lifetimes
to find a soul like yours.
A soul so pure, a soul so brave.
An angel that takes my breath away.
I want to lie with you forever,
my passion knows no bounds,
I want to shield you from all evil,
protect this love we've found
Love me with your spirit
promise we'll never be apart.
We are not the same as others,
we are forever lovers..."

She drew back to look into his eyes
A smile played onto his lips and
he whispered “I love you...I Love You!”
he yelled at the top of his lungs and
picked her up spinning her around

She smiled happily as rain started to fall
They were giggling and laughing
As they were she thought: I'm glad,
glad that this happened, I may be dead
but at least I made this man happy and
I have fallen for him even if it had taken
but a few hours of being alone with him.

They looked to each other
he was still spinning her
and then he slowly stopped
and they kissed,
a moment of bliss.

And that was what became of them
They lived forever in eternity
and eternity of peace and love,
happiness and light. in each
others eternal embrace.