Mother, Where Are You? (I Need You Always) [Song]

This is a song I wrote about living with an unstable, neurotic, mentally ill mother. While my situation is certainly better than a lot of others, it still has its really tough moments that can be hard to handle. This is a few years old now, but it still represents the situation well. I wanted to share it with all of you. Please enjoy and comment.

Note: To those who live in a similar situation, my heart goes out to you. We can make it through if we stay together.

Thank you,
Erika

Coming home after a hard day,
head held low to acknowledge my mistakes.
I messed everything up again,
got depressed, fell down head first and
couldn't make the grades.
My sorrow drowns any yearning for success
and no amount of hoping can get that homework done.

Frustrated and angry at me,
she flew screaming off the handle once more.
In a time when I most needed support,
I caught her blaming herself for our misfortune.
“I'm a horrible mother!”, she yells to the air,
as I try to comfort her cancerous hurt.
Turning in the job of a mother for an impossible child again.

Chorus
Please grab my hand during the times I start to fall
And reassure me when I fail to be the best I can
Never judge me, like a mother shouldn’t,
Holding me as tears roll down my face
Don't you see, I need you always,
not just when things are OK
They're never OK

She's yelling over nothing;
I can't drag myself from bed;
her reactions are inconsistent
and moods always swinging;
My words seem to hurt her
and the guilt she expresses
sends me yelling out the door
swearing and begging
God to make things better

Chorus
Please grab my hand during the times I start to fall
And reassure me when I fail to be the best I can
Never judge me, like a mother shouldn’t,
Holding me as tears roll down my face
Don't you see, I need you always,
not just when things are OK
They're never OK

It's Mother's Day now and I'm completely worn out,
yet I make one last attempt at being the daughter she wants.
With gifts in hand, I tell her that
I love her and think no one's better.
Instead of hugs and kisses,
she responds sobbing, that she's undeserving
this year and all others.

I can't help but sit alone, asking
“What did I do wrong, how can I fix my mom?”
Things never get better, no matter what I do
She's driving me over the edge
and I wish I could stop her
before it's too late for our bond
and we're both gone beyond repair

Chorus
Please grab my hand during the times I start to fall
And reassure me when I fail to be the best I can
Never judge me, like a mother shouldn’t,
Holding me as tears roll down my face
Don't you see, I need you always,
not just when things are OK
They're never OK

They're never OK 3x

[Spoken]:
Mom, I miss who you used to be
I know you're in there somewhere
and if you can hear this,
remember that I love and need you
….even when you're not OK