Death/Suicide [Poem]

Death has become a comforting thought

and welcome alternative to this life that I lead.

It promises much, such as numbness and lack of awareness,

while asking for nothing back from me.

What a warming idea for this heart in my chest,

left frostbitten and unable to trust after

our world assaulted its core.

Of course, I do try to take care

and hold strong as the storm rages on.

But living has become such a struggle

that even taking a breath is hard to accomplish.

For now I fight back against my sickened head,

but I can't seem to stop myself from

imagining how good a rope would feel

wrapped around my throat.

Everyone tells me I'm being selfish

for thinking about the things that I do.

They claim I should just hold on for all those

who have loved and cared through the years.

I nod and say I completely understand,

but inside continue to make plans

for when I decide it's time for me to go.

Hopefully by then I'll be alone,

so nobody is left to mourn my hopeless soul.

Not that anybody would remember my days here,

spent in suffering and worth absolutely nothing.

Without a little doubt or single regret,

they'd surely cross me out of their memories.

Whispering how repulsively useless I was,

a constant burden always crying for help.

Yes, they'll all be screaming out with relief

that I am finally gone.

Go ahead and assure me how wrong I am,

and sing your songs of false hope and love.

Then watch how hard I'll laugh aloud,

as you promise me things will certainly turn around.

What a sick joke all you people are,

saving lives of others just so they can

continue living on in pain and agony.

I won't be forced to suffer, that's for sure.

Suicide is a choice and one that I made a long time ago.

You may try many times to stop what's coming,

but I'll find a way to succeed anyways and

on the 8th of August, 2010 you'll

find me sleeping with a bag tied around

my head, unable to breath.

Eyes closed and mouth shut for all of an eternity.

Next to my pillow,

there will be a note that will read,

“I know that you love me and

I love you, too;

so please remember this

has nothing to do with you.

Life just got harder than Hell could ever be,

so I threw in the towel and gave up, you see.

Don't worry, though,

now that I'm dead,

I have surely found peace.”