Crushing.

star crossed lovers.'s picture

Crushing.

I can't believe it.
He smiled at me.
ME.
Little ol' ugly me.
At the interhouse cross-country race, I was with my friends and one of them was sitting next to him.
They made me sit next to him, and my heart started fluttering real fast.
Stupid heart.
He was playing with this basketball he took off one of the other guys, and was throwing it around acting completely adorable.
Not to my friends, though. They thought he was a moron.
Ah well.
Then one of his friends pushed roughly into him, and he lost control of it, and it hit me on my back.
He turned to me and said, "Omigod, sorry!" with a look of half concern and half playfulness.
"It's okay..." I mumbled, feeling my face go hot. I probably looked and definitely felt like a complete and utter idiot.
His eyes, how beautifully hazel they were. They reminded me of Oli Sykes' eyes. So pretty.
He looked at me for another moment, smiled, and then turned away.
I realized I was holding my breath, and turned around and released it into my friend's shoulder.
She turned to me, winked, and said "Making you sit here... That's my Christmas present to you!"
I was too overwhelmed to answer her.
Then the year eights started running.
All the year nines went crazy, except me.
I could only stare at him, while he was looking away.
I could see every detail of him, every strand of hair, every little pore on his arm, everything, way up close.
I've never been this close to him while crushing on him.
When the year eights ran out of the field to continue onto the street, and everyone sat down, I still couldn't take my eyes off him.
I had to keep on glancing over to see if he was really there, double checking to see if he'd disappear, if this was all a wonderful dream.
A few minutes and many, many glances later, he was playing with the basketball again.
I wished it would hit me again, just so I could have another chance to talk to him.
It did.
He was laughing, and joked, "I swear it wasn't me! It was that girl over there!" he pointed to a girl seated above me.
"Oh really," I said.
"Yes! I swear on Allah!"
"Do you even believe in Allah?"
"No." He then started laughing again, and turned back to his friends.

Here was the guy I had been crushing on a year after I started secondary school, and only now, a year later, have I finally gathered up the courage to talk to him.

I am so shy.
I'm not usually.
But... When I'm in front of him, it's like I have this totally different personality or something.
My mouth goes dry.
My mind goes blank.
I blush. Furiously.
All that comes out of my mouth is in mumbles or doesn't quite make sense.

I hope I can be more confident.
But with other girls in my year, with stick thin legs and looking like teenage supermodels, how can I be?
I wish it weren't so.