today we drove my dad to the airport, cuz he's leaving for school in Tulsa for a week. But whenever he flies, i always get more paranoid than i already am (thanks to my schitzophrinia). I always feel like his plane is gonna get hijacked by terrorists or some fucking psycho and he'll die. I can't live without my dad, i love him. I only feel better once i know he's at his hotel, safe. I'm afraid of losing him, but i know i'm just being paranoid.
Also, I'm afraid of losing everyone close to me. I constantly feel like out of nowhere, everyone i care about will say "we're done" and leave me. I know what it's like to be alone and it sucks. And this voice in my head keeps telling me that everyone is only pretending to like me. I'm taking meds for my schitzophrinia, but i can still hear him sometimes, and it sucks because he's so hard not to believe because he's in my head. I've got coping skills since i got back from Four Winds, a Psyiatric Hospital a month ago, but they don't really work. Really, only my meds help me. But anyways, i constanly live in fear of losing everyone, and i know i'm just being stupid, but...I don't know, it's just hard. But it's much better than before when i didn't have my meds. Anyways, that's all i really had to say. I know no ones gonna read this, but i don't care. I just had to say this.
~~Splash Bubblez out~~
