I need to tell someone and i know i won't be judged here

Jessieateyourbabies's picture

I need to tell someone and i know i won't be judged here

this has been going on for months. i don't know why it happened, but it did. i feel like i mean nothing to everybody. i feel like... like i'm in the crowd but i'm all alone. i don't know what to do. my mom hates me because i don't believe in God, and i feel like my friends don't want me around. i hate myself so much. i can never do anything right, i'm stupid, i cause too much drama at home. i don't cut, but i'm really tempted to. and the medicine cabinet is looking more and more like heaven every day. i can't stand being me anymore. the voice inside my head convinced me to hate myself, and even though he can't talk to me anymore, i still can't help but hear his whispers...yesterday, i had a panic attack because my mom said God never leaves you. Well where was He when i was depressed and suicidal two years ago? i thought i was better, but now i'm not so sure... everyday, i feel like curling up into a ball and just crying. i want to get better, i really do, but i'm slowly losing hope. i feel like i'm drowning in a black sea and there's no one to save me. No sailor who might happen to pass by. i hate to be such a downer, but i can't stand it anymore! Everyday, my smile is getting worse at hiding the sadness inside me. i feel like i'm slowly crumbling away...

~~Splash Bubblez out~~