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My past

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Sofiehatesyou's picture
on August 15, 2014 - 5:44am

So.... Idk why but i thought i shouldn't open up about my past a bit.

I've always dealt with anxiety and stress, always. When I was a kid I was so much pain in my stomach that I cried and had to go to the hospital. And then they found out it was all because of stress and anxiety. The same thing've happen to me a lot of times after that. To deal with it I use to think that things actually aren't that bad, that there's a solution to everything and that I can get through everything life throws at me.
Panic Attacks is something I always gets when I'm really sad, angry or stressed. I always use to try to calm myself down by going somewhere I can be alone, listening to some music, drink some water and distract myself by thinking of something completely different (what I'll be doing on the weekend, what I'm gonna eat for dinner or something like that.)
And my depression is something that've built up over the years.
I've been bullied and picked on from the first day off school.
When i started 3rd grade in school things got really bad. One specific person started hitting me, punch me and call me names EVERY day. I was like 9 years old, and of course I didn't know how I should deal with it. I cried every day after school and I didn't know what was "wrong", what my "problem" was or "what I've done to deserve that". I later on told my parents, friends and all the people on my school. I got better and after 1 year it stopped.
After that a bunch of other kids started to pick on me for being "different" and "not popular" etc. When I walked into a room these people just ignored me and walked out. People always pointed at me & laughed and I heard them calling me names. Sometimes I also got pushed into lockers.
I tried so hard not to let all that bullshit get to my head, cause deep down I knew that i hadn't done anything wrong and that all they were telling me was lies, but in the end I'd got so weak I just couldn't handle it anymore. I was about 11/12 then and I think that was when my depression started.
When I was 12 I just stopped care about all these idiots. I pretty much stopped caring about everything and everyone, including myself. I had no emotions at all. I just felt numb and lonely. I had no friends at all and became really introverted and depressed. I also started to hurt myself which also naked my self confidence worse.
When I turned 13 I decided that I AM gonna get better, stop hurting myself and that nothing would stand in the way for that. And today I'm a soooo much happier person <3
But one of the main reasons everything have gotten so much better, except for music, is because of one of my best friends <3 He knows who he is, I hope :p <3
He've helped me through a lot and he's seriously one of the most kind-hearted, accepting, open-minded and supportive persons I've ever met <3 he means a lot to me and I sometimes don't know what I would do without him and my other friends :D <3