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It's a vicious cycle.

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skellington01's picture
on August 30, 2014 - 10:30pm

Long story short: I survived the first week of school. But just barely, as my tolerance for people is abnormally low. I mean, it's already kind of low in the first place: being around people drains me and with school and work and family I'm getting really tired really fast.
It's a vicious cycle now that I think about it:
1. I for some reason work late, and since it takes me awhile to calm down at the end of the day, I generally won't get to sleep until 11.30 or 12, which gives me 6.5 hours of sleep. No big deal, but more would be nice.
2. Since I'm always kinda tired, I'm terrified of doing poorly at school this year, even though I'm super organized and am taking all but one easy class (I just really love physics okay guys?!) .
3. However, due to some things at home and a couple of jerks at work and me being super hard on myself to perform perfectly this year, I'm constantly stressed, and that contributes to my tiredness, making me more tired, which obviously doesn't put me in the greatest mood.
4. My parents are constantly asking why I'm upset or why I'm not talking so much or if something's wrong (well, technically yes, but I'm not about to discuss it any time soon since they're kind of contributing), which just adds to my stress since I don't wanna talk about it.
5. Since I'm always being asked what's wrong and my pent-up emotions/stress are running the risk of exploding all over the place, I also run the risk of snapping at my friends for reasons unknown to them, which'll make me feel really bad, again adding to the stress.
6. I work with some of my friends (which is great when I'm not bursting with stress and emotions), and if I don't snap at them at school, I risk snapping at them at work, so I tend to just kind of ice them out and give them the cold shoulder as kind of a safety padding, which makes me look like a jerk. Not exactly how I'd like to come off to people I like being around.
7. And now we link back to the beginning: I'm at work constantly, and so I'm around these friends a lot, especially when I'm tired, which makes me more tired, hence why it may take so long to calm down at the end of the day.
Wow that was long. Yeah, sorry about that but I needed to get all that off my chest somehow and mulling it over in my head wasn't doing the trick.