I feel like all I ever do on here anymore if rant and shiz like that

Singer Not a Dancer's picture

I feel like all I ever do on here anymore if rant and shiz like that

Today is my sister's birthday. Today is also the day of the Hemet Christmas Parade. Today is also the day after my sister got her six foot girraffe sculpture.
After the parade, the family, my three aunts, my uncle, my grandma, my (step) grandpa, my three cousins, my mom, my dad, yself, and my sister. We ate and stayed there for a while having fun.

My dad bought my sister an expensive silver necklace. It was maybe $200. Maybe it wasn't that expensive, but it was the most expensive gift my dad has ever bought us, like, directly.

The girraffe my dad bought her was also around $100.

She got around $100 as a gift.

In total, her party was about $500 (as he put it) and we were all happy.

Except... me.

He always spoils my sister. She got a laptop before me. Last year, she got to ride in a limo to school for her birthday. In an arguement between her and myself, he always to tell me to back off, though not in so many words.

I kinda know why. When I was younger 1-7yrs old or so, he used to spoil ME. My sister felt unloved and so on. To make it up to her, he switched his attention around to HER. I am the one no longer getting attention. My mom, sister, and I confronted him about this, and he said he'd try to stop directing his attention to her. Well, THAT'S gone great in the past three or so years.

I just don't get why he can't just agree with me for once. To give ME a great gift. To give ME a limo ride.

Soon, I know, he's going to feel as if he's given enough attention to make up for lack we=hen we were younger, and (hopefully) just divide his attention equally.

I won't want it by then. I hardly remember him from my younger years. I always remember him gone most of the time and coming on weekends. Apparently, he came every weekend. I can only rememer him coming once or twice.

I don't even trust him anymore. Nor do I trust my mom. Though it is true I trust my mom more than my dad, I just can't.

I don't trust my family. I trust my franken FRIENDS more than them!

I trust YOU GUYS more than them!

What do I do guys? I mean... I'm giving up. My faith in God has diminished quickly. I try to think that this is just a trial. But, what is this 3-year long trial for? Faith? Why do I still feel depressed? Why do I feel like nothing? Why don't I feel like anyone even listens to me anymore?

What is God doing?

Bai guise. I have a headache, but I'm going to try to watch Supernatural. I mean, I seriously need something to distract me right now. Youtube isn't working, so...