My life sucks

Second chance animal's picture

My life sucks

I hate this. This ache in my heart. I want to rip it out of my chest!
I want this pain to be over. I just want it over.
No-one knows how much it hurts because I hide it. Everyone thinks I'm happy and if they knew what I'm really feeling they'd send me to a mental hospital.

The reason for this...
Firefly. My backstabbing friend.
She decided she wants to talk to me again so she had her mom call my mom. She didn't even come up to me and say "Oh I wanna talk to you."
I'm not her friend anymore and talking won't change that so why do I feel like part of me is gone?
She was really my only friend who really understood what I was going through for the past year.
Then she basically abandoned me and I had a breakdown and started cutting again.
Now I finally managed to forget about her and stop cutting but she can't let go. And I know this is only cause her new slut friends aren't going to hang out with her this summer.
So why do I feel like this? Like I still want to be her friend? When she can't tell me the truth and she spreads lies about me.
And no-one really gets it. There's like this weight on my heart that I just can't get rid of. And it's Fire's fault. It's all her fault.
So why do I still want us to be friends? Why does the tiny little part of my heart that hasn't turned black from poison want my friend back?

~NightHawk