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Chapter Four
Frank
A couple days went by of more testing, making sure that I was able to escape from this big white building and be freed into the world I had left for so long. By day three, four days after awaking from my unknown slumber the doctor came back to me with the news of my life. “Frank, we’re finished.” My heart lifted from the deep trench dug in my chest and began to glow as I looked to Gerard. His smile comforted me, letting me know everything was going to be okay. I could go back to my life but with him in it. Then, my mother walked into the room with a concerned expression. “But before we can let you go, your family has to speak with you.” My family meaning mom. “I will give you two privacy.” The doctor existed the room, it was just my mother, Gerard and I, but then even he started to walk out. I shouted his name just in time before he disappeared behind the frame. He wasn’t going anywhere. “Gerard! Please stay. You’re family, too.” I smiled weakly at him, not knowing what was truly going on. “I think he should go, Frank. It’s important that it is just you and I.” I furrowed my brow, confused at the least. Gerard’s face didn’t change. He knew what was going on. I began to panic, all I wanted was to get out and feel the fresh air again; not sit in this small room breathing in other people’s breath. I wanted to be free like how I was in my dreams. Why was this being halted? What now? What more could they want from me?
Gerard’s presence was no longer filling the room with that happy fuzzy feeling. Once the doctor shut the door my mother started to speak. “Now, Frankie, I know you want to get out of here and I don’t blame you. You’ve missed two months of your life and you want to get out, run around like the crazy boy you are. I want that for you, Frankie.” I raised my shoulders a little; signally I was still confused as to why she wasn’t letting me do that right now! “I want to talk to you about something, though. Something that I think is worth talking about and thinking about.”
“Mom, just tell me what it is. Don’t make me wait and guess anymore. I’m done with that!” She sighed and nodded her head. She understood which made the conversation flow much easier, yet there was still this heaviness surrounding us. “It’s about your friend.” My lips twisted into this odd formation of disgust. Why was she doing this to herself? Why was she doing this to me? “Frank, I want you to listen to me.” She said after noticing my odd look. “I don’t want you going off and doing whatever you feel is right because you haven’t been around for a while. This is serious, you need to remember to think, and you know that.”
“Yeah, mom, I do! And that’s exactly what I am doing! Why are you telling me this? What about Gerard are you so afraid of all of a sudden?” I was accusing her. She never specifically said she was referring to Gerard but I was pretty damn sure. “You two looked like you connected perfectly! You like him mom and he likes you –,”
“I’m afraid he’s going to hurt you, Frank! Taking advantage of you when your brain isn’t fully functioning yet. Telling you he knows who you are when you say his name. I don’t know how it’s possible but somehow he did it and now he’s got you brainwashed, Frank!” My jaw dropped to the floor. How could she be saying any of this? We were talking about the man who saved my life and would continue to save my life. And I would do the same for him. “Mom, what are you saying!?”
“I’m saying I don’t like you being with that man!”
“I am an adult, mother! What gives you the right to tell me who I can’t love!” Her eyes grew wide, her mouth shut quickly. And then it occurred to me, no one knew Gerard and I were lovers, a couple, a thing, whatever the fuck we were – no one knew. Now, that was no longer the case. “Mom, I –…” She looked away quick, but stood up quicker. Her tiny legs lead her toward the down, not another word coming from her mouth. What have I done? The latch to the door clicked and locked into place. I was alone in the small room just left with my thoughts, again. Even in reality there seemed to be recurring events that were all too familiar.
I wanted Gerard to walk through the door. I didn’t care if he would yell at me, curse at me, hate me for the rest of his life – whatever he felt I would always love that man with all my heart and care for him. I just wanted to be with him. There was still so much I needed to learn. He and I left off lying on the ground looking up at the sky. It was like Gerard knew I hadn’t looked up, like he had been watching my every move the whole time. I hung my head low, a lot. Never really looking to the sky and went that changed and I left him. I never wanted to do that again. I knew this wasn’t a dream but after being asleep for two months your brain likes to trick you and make you think: “what if this is a dream? Then, you’re screwed.”
I shut my eyes tightly hoping to let no light passed my closed lids. The darkness was the only thing that seemed to make sense. If only it were true darkness and not just a shutter in front of a lens, or in other words, my lids in front of my eyes.
I heard the door unlatch and then push open. The hustle and bustle of the outside hallway filtered into the room but then was silenced when the door shut again. I opened my eyes to see the doctor standing above me with a slight smile that I knew was fake. “You’re free to go. All of your things are packed into the car and your mother has signed you out.” I smiled, hoping the sun was shinning that day. The doctor went over more of safety things, saying I should be bed rest for the next week until driving and work are acceptable. I was never one for following doctor’s orders but I knew this time was more serious. I waited patiently for him to finish, packed up the rest of my things, then called Malcolm and Rosie into the room to help me. I didn’t occur to me Gerard wasn’t there until I was at the lobby. “Wait!” I shouted, stopped my feet before they could bring me outside into the world I had left for so long. It was like I couldn’t remember what the trees really looked like, or where my apartment was, what roads to go down, what the air smelled like. “What’s the matter?” Rosie asked, her pink cheeks flushing to a red tint like they always did. “Where’s Gerard?” She turned her head away and Malcolm was the next person to answer me. “Your mom asked him to leave.” My face grew hot. Malcolm finished off the sentence with a weary tone. He knew I was pissed. “And where is she?” I spat at them. Both he and Rosie exchanged a glance before Rosie took over again. “She left with him. He didn’t have a car so she offered to drive him.”
“And do you know where they went?” Both shook their heads and sighed together. “I’m not going outside unless he’s with me.” I said boldly and courageously. “Then you’re going to have to wait here a good long while, Frank. And you don’t want that.” I looked at her coldly. Although she was right, I didn’t want her to be. I huffed and unplanted my feet from the ground. I was much stronger than I anticipated myself to be. I couldn’t believe I gave in but I had no other choice. No matter how much I begged for Gerard to be sent back it wouldn’t happen, and I wanted to see the outside and green leaves. I couldn’t remember what time of season it was but whatever lay behind the closed, tinted doors of the front lobby would make me happy.
I closed my eyes without even thinking. Malcolm and Rosie’s firm grip on my shoulders led my outside into the bright light. And that is when I sucked in the first fresh air I had had in months, then I opened my eyes.
I front of me was a road, obviously filled with cars passing by. The sidewalks were neatly tidied and cute with small trees lining every five feet or so. A couple bench sat in between those trees giving people a good place to sit. “A weird place for a hospital.” I said with a confused grin. Neither one of them commented. I looked around some more as they helped me walk to the car. It was loud outside; I was surprised I heard none of it from inside my room. There were constant engines running by hitting my ear drums. It was different world for that I made up in my head. “Where are we?” I asked them after they set me into the back seat and both of them got in the driver’s and passenger’s. “We’re in the city; your apartment is about thirty minutes away. Do you not remember?” I shook my head, sighing while doing so. “I don’t remember anything.”
“Hey that’s not true! You remember a lot! You just have to figure out what was real and what wasn’t.” She said slowly, choosing her words carefully while keeping her eyes straight. “Is it how you saw it in your dream?” I shook my head again, forgetting that she wasn’t looking at me – but I didn’t take the time to say anything. It was all too real now. Gerard was right; taking it slow was the best way to go. I needed to process everything and even stepping outside was a big leap of faith.
My eyes watched the people walking on the side of the street as the car zoomed by. I recognized some buildings as we ventured further away from the city. A couple stores popped out as familiar, a homeless man sitting on the ground begging didn’t shock me as odd. And then I saw the normal pedestrians walking above that homeless man. I remembered in my dream my fight with their kind. They think they’re better because they have more money. I tested this theory now I was in the real world and seeing real things. I quickly pointed out to myself the way they walked and the way they looked at that man with repulsion. That was something I wouldn’t mind having been changed. I looked away before I made myself too angry. I could soon tell we were nearing my apartment because of the scenery change. The skies became a little darker, the sun hiding behind the thick black clouds. It was exactly how I dreamt it – which wasn’t a bad thing but it wasn’t a good thing either. “We’re home.” I leaned forward, peering out the front dashboard to see the apartment which was abandoned. “We’ll help you with your bags.” I turned my gaze to Malcolm. I didn’t remember him being so helpful, I always thought of him as another mini Gerard who looked completely different. I squinted my eyes trying to make out the different signs of places off in the distance and shook my head. “I’ve got it, thanks.”
“Frank, that’s really not safe. Let us help you.”
“No Rosie,” I was acting rather cold at the moment. The last thing I wanted to do was make the two of them feel bad or awkward. Without any persuasion, they let me off the hook. We hugged quickly, I unpacked my bags with the help of my good friend Malcolm (he insisted) and they drove off.
I stood on the sidewalk watching their car drive off into the distance. I didn’t know why I wanted to do this alone. Usually I would want someone with me to catch me if I fell or to hug me if I began to cry. Something was different, though. So different that I knew I needed to do this on my own.
I picked up the three bags I had with me filled with the stuff my mother and two friends brought to the hospital for me. The weight of them didn’t seem to hold me down. I threw the backpack over my back and the others I put around my neck. “Okay.” I breathed slowly, inching my way to the front door. I dipped my hand in my picket feeling the key Rosie had given me right before they drove off. “I kept it safe for you.” Were her last words before Malcolm pulled out and away from the curb and down the street – I couldn’t help but let a smile creep across my face. I guess this is what waking up feels like, not just from a dream but from a world you made and lived in for longer than just one night. I was scared to see the inside of my apartment. What would be in there? I couldn’t remember if I truly had artistic talents or if that was just something I had always hoped and wished for. I wanted everything from my dream to be real. All the laughs, times, memories, and paintings I ever did with Gerard I wanted them to be true. I wanted to walk into his apartment and see Créer smudged with our paint war on his walls. I wanted to know I didn’t dream something that never came true.
By the time my mind stopped running for two second I was already at the stoop of my door, holding the key in the lock but not turning it the final way. “I can’t do this.” I whispered to myself. I pulled the key out and dropped it back into my pocket. I simply stared at the closed door for more than five minutes, just staring and watching it, hoping it would open. And just like that the knob turned and the faint lights from inside my apartment drained into the hallway I was standing in. I looked up and saw Gerard standing there with his hand placed coolly on the door and his elbow pressed against the other side of the door frame. It was in a sexual matter which hit me with shock and excitement. “Gerard, what’re you doing here?” He laughed and smiled at the ground. “Your mom pushed me out of the hospital as fast as she could. I couldn’t just leave you. So I came here.” I raised my eyebrows, “And how did you know where I lived?” I questioned. He pulled a look which made me feel stupid. He knew where I lived from the dream. I let out a nervous chuckle.
“Here, you go in and look around; I’ll get your bags.” I shook my head, trying to take them into my own hands but he was too quick. He shooed my away and into my dark apartment. I looked around for a second, seeing everything I remember seeing before (in the dream that is.) Yet, everything seemed completely different like I actually belonged there instead of just lived there. I quickly ran over to my bedroom and opened the door wide. My entire floor was cleaned and everything was dusted. It looked as though it were a fresh new apartment waiting for someone to inhabit it.
I heard Gerard’s footsteps walk up behind me; his hand rested on my shoulder and pushed down slightly. “Welcome home.” He said in a whisper next to my ear. I smiled widely and turned to face him, “It wouldn’t be home without you.” Gerard’s face grew red. He was bashful which was the cutest thing. I smiled and stepped toward him, feeling my knees cave in for the first time since getting up to walk. I connected my arms around his waist and held us both there together for a long time. Soon he too startled his arms around me. The feeling was so nice, so warm. “I missed you.” He said, then he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I missed you, too.” I said back, holding him even tighter than before. I let him go after a thought popped into my head. “So,” I looked up at him before going on, “What next?” Gerard’s lips curled into a grin, his small baby teeth barely visible.
