And When Rain Fell: Chapter Twelve

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And When Rain Fell: Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve
November 17th

I bathed in the after math of sex. It hadn’t been long after returning home last night that Gerard and I decided to take some time we didn’t expect to take in order to – how can I put this? – Tame our needs. It was a satisfying display of events which ended in sweat and love. I couldn’t have felt any better than I did right then. “Gerard?” I wasn’t sure where he had ended up. My head was at the foot of the bed, hanging off causing my neck to ache. My legs were spread open, mingled with the sheets. After a few seconds of silence I asked for him again, “Gerard? Where are you?”
“Here, I’m here.” I heard the voice and immediately flipped onto my stomach so that my eyes were no longer casted to the ceiling but instead pointing down to the wood floor. I saw him laying there naked and exposed like he had not a care in the world. “Wow.” Gerard’s eyes opened, “What?” My scattered brain tried to think of something to say but all that came out was: “Nothing,” I smiled to cover up the obvious nervousness. He laughed quietly, propping himself up onto his elbows he was able to kiss me quickly on the cheek. “Have fun?” He muttered as he got to his feet in no hurry whatsoever. I rolled my eyes and replied, “Of course.” I didn’t feel any pain. Those problems had long since left me the first few times of having sex with Gerard. He was the most gentile person I had ever met even in the heat of the moment. “Good, I did too.” I shut my eyes slowly, a sent filled my nostrils. It was a smell I loved waking up to. “Did you make coffee?” I rubbed sleep away from my eyes. My vision had come back to me strongly with no blur. Everything seemed clearer. It seems watching the sunrise everyday was helping a lot. Ever since that first day I had been hooked. I would wake up Gerard every morning telling him that we couldn’t miss it. It shed new light to the strange world around me and allowed for my mind to wander to new fantasy thoughts and the same colors came into view day after day. My moods were getting better. I was able to understand more of what Gerard was saying half the time and actually enjoyed learning things I didn’t know. I felt like a new person again, or maybe (hopefully) it was just the old me coming back, rising from it’s ashes and filling itself into me again. “What time is it?” I rolled back over, groaning while doing so. “About five-ish; I’m glad you woke up when you did. We’ve got the get going soon.” I furrowed my brow. What was he talking about? I coughed up something that was stuck in my throat then spoke, “What do you mean?”
“It’s the 17th, Frank.” I became even more confused. “I’m not following.”
“Oh my god, you forgot.”
“Forgot what!?” He sighed heavily. “Today’s the day we go and visit my family.” I gasped loudly then scrambled to my feet. “Oh fuck! I totally forgot!” He chuckled, “No kidding. Now, get some clothes on.” He scanned me up and down before turning away from me and walking out the room. And just like that I wished I had a fresh outfit on me and I hadn’t just been looked up by Gerard. I quickly rushed over to where I saw my boxers lying and slipped them on while simultaneously stumbling out the door. “Gerard I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to –,”
“Oh please, Frank, stop it. Does it look like I’m offended?”
“No,” I replied quickly but before I could get out the rest of my sentence he cut me off, casting me a suspicious look. “Are you nervous, Frank Iero?” I gulped. I didn’t want him to know I was a tad bit worried. I never made it very far in any relationship to go meet the parents; especially with a man. “There’s nothing to be worried about, love.” He walked past me briskly, planting another kiss on my cheek then walking away. He was being so careless right then. How couldn’t he be thinking of the worst? What if his family didn’t approve? What if I was going to be kicked out? What if something were to go wrong? “Gerard, stop being so, so….”
“Calm?”
“Yeah, calm! Stop being so fucking calm!” He laughed one more time which made me feel uncomfortable. I turned away from him and placed myself on the edge of the couch. My painting was still sitting on that table, I knew it was dry by now but Gerard nor I had a chance to hang it – or should I say – hide it. Gerard was the only person I was truly comfortable with. Rosie was drifting away from me slowly. Everything then seemed like a Sunday afternoon which was a feeling I dreaded. “It’s a beautiful painting, you know. Don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” My head shot up, Gerard was standing next to me, his eyes directed at the painting I had been scrutinizing over. How did he know I was thinking about it? No shitting idea, and I wasn’t about to question it either. “I think it’s dried now.” He added a slight adjustment in his tone. My gaze slowly ventured up to his face, the side of his cheek facing me. “I think so, too.” I muttered with a fake smile plastered to me. It wasn’t like me to falsely agree with him but I truly wasn’t in the mood to fight with him about it. “I think we should hang it up, but not out here.” I was confused, wondering where else we would put my new painting. “We should put it in our room.” I was shocked to say the least. It was only ever referred to as his room, since it was his space, and his apartment and I still technically had a place of my own. When he said it was our room a speck of warmth touched me, making me feeling a bit better. “Why in there, though?” Gerard shrugged; he didn’t have a specific answer he just wanted to. And sometimes that was okay – you didn’t need a detailed answer for everything, you’re allowed to simply feel things. And for Gerard this must have been normal. It most certainly wasn’t normal to me; he usually, almost always had a detailed explanation for everything but not this, this was different and that was okay. He wanted to put the particular painting in our room because he simply wanted to. Nothing more to it and I respected that so I nodded me head, got up off the couch in just my red boxers and hugged him.
It wasn’t long before I had to let go, I couldn’t stay like that forever. We had work to do. I was slightly excited, but still nervous as to what the hell was going to happen over at the cottage. It was going to be a different experience in my life that I wasn’t sure I could handle yet, but I had no choice, there was no turning back, it was already too late. “We have all the bag packed.” I said to him, stepping away, and clearing my throat. I didn’t want to make anything awkward but fuck was I doing a horrible job. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Gerard’s head bob up and down. “Yeah, I brought them to the door last night while you were sleeping.” I scoffed, knowing I should have guessed. “Don’t you ever sleep?” He smiled coyly then walked away not revealing his face to me. I knew he was smiling, though. What else would Gerard be doing? I followed him into the kitchen where the two mugs of coffee were sitting on the counter steaming with warmth and love. “Here you go.” He handed me the cup gingerly with a grin. “What time do you want to head out?” I asked, swallowing the hot coffee. I wasn’t sure what else to do. We had more completed than I had expected. “Right now.” He muttered into the ceramic of his mug. I almost threw up the liquid I held in my mouth, “Right now!?” I shouted as loud as I could. Gerard nodded calmly, “Everything’s read. Why not?”
“I’m not ready, Gerard!”
“All you need in some clothes on. Then we can get going.” I sighed and gave him a look, a long good look. “Gerard.” I raised my eyebrows at him, he couldn’t be serious. “Frank.” He replied mockingly. “Go get dressed, and then we’re leaving.” He pushed me away back into the bedroom. “All your things are packed; from your apartment the things you’ll need are packed. We’re set to go; now you just need to put yourself together.” I stopped moving my legs and feet in protest. Gerard almost tripped over me, not expecting such a sudden stop. “Frank, what’re you doing?”
“I’m – I’m,”
“You’re what!?”
“I’m scared, Gerard!” I fell to the floor feeling weak and stupid. He came down with me, holding his arms around me asking under his breath what was wrong. “I’m nervous, Gerard. I’m nervous, worried. Fuck, Gerard how can you be so calm?” He sighed deeply into the crook of my neck, he still held me closely even when I tried to pull away. “You shouldn’t be.” I shook my head. He was trying to comfort me which was sweet and I was flattered but there was still that annoying nagging voice in the back of my head telling me something was going to go wrong. “I’m afraid I’m going to mess up.” Gerard laughed a clear clean laugh; that although his mouth was against the skin of my neck the sound of it boomed like we were in a huge auditorium. “There’s nothing to mess up, my love.” He hugged my tighter. I felt like all the tension was being squeezed out of my body. “Now, go get dressed, Frank. It’s gonna be a long drive.”
Gerard hadn’t told me exactly how long of a commute this trip was but I didn’t mind whether it was five minutes or five days I could care less. I wanted to be there for Gerard and with him whenever he needed me. I was about to embark on a journey to meet the other people associated with his life. Thinking about it gave me a weird feeling. I was the only one in Gerard’s life, well, that’s how it felt to me but I knew it was far from the truth. I wasn’t looking to take away the precious time he needed to spend with his family all for myself, that would be wrong and I could only hope the rest of his family understood that, too. I had a feeling I was overreacting again to everything which wasn’t uncommon. I was learning and coping with shit that happened but it was a slow process that Gerard was helping me conduct. I knew all I had to do was relax. How simple was that; deep breaths, happy thoughts, the whole routine – well for some reason that “routine” didn’t always blow over too well for me.
“Go.” Gerard’s voice snapped me out of my day dreaming/thinking. I scrambled to get the rest of my things together. I could feel my heart beating quicker and quicker with every passing minute. As I trotted in and out of our bedroom to the living room and into the kitchen Gerard stood at the front door where I had left him before. I waddled passed him back and forth over and over again. He didn’t budge he just kept scanning me as I frantically did what I needed to do in order for us to leave. A couple times I heard him giggle when I skidded across the hardwood floor to get around faster. I was happy I was making this amusing for him. We needed someone who was calm and willing to laugh. “Are you quite finished?” He kept asking. I wasn’t even sure myself. My mind kept reminding me of thing after thing I was forgetting, and then I realized, I was stalling (again.) “Fuck!” I stopped in the middle of the living room, dead skid. Gerard’s head shot up from fiddling with his fingers. “What!?”
“I’m doing it again, Gerard.” I threw my hands into the air. “Come on, we’re leaving.” He smiled with a chuckle, “Finally.”

When I was little I used to stare out the window and watch the trees roll by our car in a speed of blurs. I remembered this fact very clearly as if I had done it everyday of my life. As I sat in the passenger’s seat of my car I did this. I didn’t have the same feeling of childhood as I was expecting – instead it was more of a, confused, perspective I was feeling as if something was missing from all of this. The trees reminded me of something specific but I wasn’t sure what. The bottom of my eye spotted out the white lines on the sides of the curvy roads heading out more toward the country side than the small towns right outside of the city. Huge hills soon surrounded us and the car making us enclosed in the mountains not visible to us but very much so to the people miles and miles away. To the hills we were ants yet we didn’t think we were that small. We felt normal like we always had when in actuality it was like we had shrunk down to the size of a marble compared to the mountains. I turned my head to Gerard, wondering if his facial expression would show anything but of course nothing came up. He was like a white wall, there was nothing on it but you, you could paint anything your wanted on it whether it was what he wanted you to paint of not. Interesting how it worked. There is no easy way of explaining it.
I wasn’t sure whether or not I wanted to break the silence that had settled in the car. I was quite comfortable. I made sure my breathing matched with his, it was sadly entertaining and gave us both an equal amount of time to enjoy the silence between our gasps for air. Then I thought, can fishes hear each other blub? Dogs can hear each other bark, cats can hear each other meow, but fish? Damn are they confusing. I finally decided to say something after a while of getting drowsy. I didn’t want to waste the trip and fall asleep on the car ride. I didn’t want to leave Gerard alone like that. “Who is going to be there, again?” I couldn’t remember if he had told be before or not. He cleared his throat- “Well, my mom and dad, my brother, maybe my cousin and her fiancé, and a few old friends.” I gulped, “Old friends?” He nodded with his eyes still glued to the road. There were no other cars behind us or coming at us from the opposite direction. We were slowly moving out of the crevasse in between the hills but the land around us didn’t become anymore populated. Country land was all around us. It was a nice sight to see, something different from the pollution and people in the town. “This place is so beautiful.” My mind had wondered to other things. Gerard agreed with my statement with a nod and ‘mhm.’ I thought or more things to say but my brain was running low on creative ideas. Conversations were wearing thin on me now, which meant Gerard was rubbing off on me more and more each day. I found myself enjoying the quiet more so than before when I was obsessed with the loud because it assured me I was still alive and that I could still hear my life going around me. I supposed being like him, I was learning something again. I was my own person, though, as I have told myself many times before. I shouldn’t have to be like him to be happy. The thought triggered a strange emotion inside me so I stopped.
I pressed my head against the glass of the window. My scalp suddenly become cold with the invisible ice paved onto it. Winter was drawing nearer, the fall coming to a fatal close but soon to return next year. The radio was on a low setting which surprisingly didn’t bother me. I had just noticed it, too. I wondered when he had turned it on. There was no music filtering through only a voice of a boring weather man that sounded like all the others came. He was expecting snow, snow, and more snow for the Jersey area, nothing too critical but something to talk about – “How long of a drive is it?” I asked out of the blue feeling awkward for doing so. “I’d say about six hours out.” I raised my brows. I enjoyed long car rides even though I hadn’t been on one in a long fucking time. For what I could remember my mother never took me out to places especially by car. Then again it was impossible to remember much, especially the important things. “Will that be okay for you?” He asked quickly but quietly. He brought one of his hands that had been placed on the steering wheel for the longest time to my leg. “Oh yeah, I’ll be fine!”
“You can go to sleep if you’re tired. You look it.” I shook my head, rejecting his advice. “I’ll stay up with you, I insist.” He shrugged, his gaze went back to the road but his hand remained.