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Chapter Sixteen
Tess
Gerard got up from his seat next to me right when I found his hand. My side of the couch rose a little. His footsteps echoed through the house. Mikey, Ray, and I exchanged looks. “I’m gonna go talk to him.” Mikey got up, waving his hand down at his side nervously. The only sign of emotion I had seen. Henry and Carol had gone up to bed, hoping to get sleep for the day ahead which they said was going to be “eventful.” I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant in this family but tomorrow I was going to find out.
It was only Ray, Tess, and I left in the living room. My eyes kept wander over to her. She was cross legged on the couch next to mine, facing inward toward the coffee table as all of the couches were. Her eyes were casted down into a book that was thick. Her feet were covered with fuzzy socks that appeared to only go up just above her ankle. After a few seconds, I realized I was staring. I quickly shifted my gaze to Ray who was playing with his thumbs, looping them around each other over and over again like it was some type of game. He had changed into a plane white tee-shirt and a dark pair of jeans. Everyone (meaning the two of them) looked so casual and normal, like there wasn’t an awkward stranger in the room. I wanted to strike up a conversation but the lively vibe I had gotten when I first walked through the door seemed to die instantly, leaving me with shallow air and cold emptiness. Just then Ray stood up from his sat and looked at both Tess and I. “I think I’m going to head up.” I nodded and mumbled a good night. She did the same but didn’t bring her eyes away from her book. Once Ray’s steps disappeared up the stairs and I knew Mikey and Gerard were outside talking, I looked to Tess and said: “Tess is short for?” My voice trailed off. Suddenly her gaze lifted from the words on the page to me. “Tessa.” She didn’t return to her book, she just kept staring at me like she was expecting something else to come out of my mouth. I looked away uncomfortably, still feeling her stare on me. I tried to think up of something else to say. “So, how do you know Gerard?” I heard her laugh a bit to herself which is when I looked back at her. The expression on her face was serious but the noises coming out of her were the exact opposite. “How do you think I know him?” She shut the book slowly, letting only a slight sound of the pages slapping together escape the folds.
She was an intimidating young lady. She didn’t remind me of anyone like most people did. Tessa seemed to be a person of her own, creating her own expression, her own rules, what she was and wasn’t going to talk about. It was almost like she had everything else planned out in her head before you were even able to get your sentence out. She made you feel nervous. Like you were constantly afraid of answering a question wrong even if there wasn’t even a question to be answered – it was a strange feeling that I had never experienced before. There was constantly a gleam in her eye of something seemingly innocent but dastardly if you looked hard enough. The gleam had not shaken from her even from the first time I had seen her. I tried not to look her way a lot but I couldn’t help it. She simply sat there staring at me still and I just watched her back, not noticing anything else around me.
“Umm, family members?” Tess threw her head back in delight, clapped her hands together, and showed a smile. “Noooo! Guess again!” I pulled a face but obeyed her command. “Life long friends?” She scoffed, shoving her hands into the pocket of her hoodie. “I’ll take that as a no.” She nodded, being just as sarcastic to me as I was to her. I sighed, trying to think of other things they could be. Nothing came to mind, nothing at all. “Why can’t you just tell me?” I whined. Tessa grinned boldly, knowing she was torturing me with the lack of information. “Because, silly – it’s so much more fun to have you guess!” I shook my head, assuring her over and over again that it really truly wasn’t. He giggled a couple seconds more then gave in. She pointed out to where Gerard had walked to and said out loud, “Student,” She then proceeded to point to herself, with a smile on her face and said, “Teacher.” My eyebrows rose. “Gerard doesn’t believe in student teacher relationship.” I announced rather harshly. “Oh, bullshit, you have no idea what you’re goin’ on about.” She was beginning to get annoying. Who the fuck was the to tell me if I knew what I was saying or not? Gerard was my boyfriend (or whatever the fuck we were) after all! I did know him better than her. I was sure of it. But why was she so sure? What made her positive it was the other way around? I laughed it off, hoping she would just drop it, but no. She had to go on.
“Gerard believes in it, he just doesn’t like to admit it, Frank. That’s something you’ll learn about him soon enough.” I was staring to get defensive now. She was acting like she knew him more than I did, like there was something soon to be in store for me that would ruin everything. “What do you have against him, Tessa?” I snapped, hoping I was a tad bit threatening, if only a little. She straightened herself a bit, looking bigger and taller. “You listen here, Frank. That’s none of your damn mother fucking business, okay? I want to like you, so don’t give me a reason not to.” Her eyes pierced me like a dagger. There were things in the past that were meant to be kept there, but this, this was way too important to push aside. Gerard and stormed off like I wasn’t just sitting next to him, Tess snapped at me like I was some sort of child, Ray abandoned me – I bet he saw something coming. But I figured it didn’t matter. I stared right back at her until she broke the gaze. “You want to be friends? We can be friends; I don’t mind that – but keep the past out of it.” I nodded but couldn’t resist – “And you don’t worry about Gerard and I, I think I can take care of myself, thank you very much.” I wasn’t sure what the fuck to do after that. Things were going down the drain very quickly. I wasn’t sure what the hell to expect the next day.
I got up from the couch, keeping my eyes on Tess who didn’t decide to open her book again. When I finally turned my back to her she spoke up, stopping me from moving any further. “Wait!” I paused, listening for anything more. “I’m sorry.” I turned back to her. Trying to be as gentile as possible. “Let’s go talk upstairs?” I smiled, walking back over to her slowly and waiting for her to get up next to me. We were making progress rather quickly.
We both made our way up to a room on the second floor. I was amazed at how much the décor flowed through the house. I followed Tess, staggering close behind her examining ever inch of the walls, all the pictures that hung. They seemed to be a well knit family. “You really shouldn’t poke your nose into other people’s business, though.” I stopped mid step and stared at the back of the hair, neatly tied into a bun. She must have noticed the lack of sounds I was making with my feet because she turned around staring at me oddly like she had no idea what my problem was. “Who the hell do you think you are? I was just trying to make a conversation!” I shouted, not caring if anybody else heard me. Tessa’s face became concerned. Was she trying to pin this whole thing on me? “Frank.” She walked down a step, putting her hands on my shoulders. I scoffed at her, trying to pull away from her grasp but she was too strong. “Frank, what’s wrong?” I scoffed and, looking her up and down as if she was something disgusting. “What’s wrong with you!?” I finally was able to stomp back down the stairs, getting away from her hold. I couldn’t believe what was happening. Gerard promised me everything was going to be okay, that everyone would like me. He lied to me. He fucking lied to me.
I made my way back into the living room, trying to remember where he and his brother wondered off to. I checked the kitchen where there was no sign of them, I then walked out onto the back deck through the sliding glass door, and there they sat. Both of them were seated in wooden chairs facing out to the mountains and stars. Gerard’s thick black hair blended with the nighttime color but Mikey’s blonde stood out. “Gerard.” I breathed, loud enough for him to hear. He turned around, a shocked look on his face. “Frank, what’s wrong, are you okay!?” He got up quickly form his chair and ran over to where I was standing. He began to rub his thumb against my cheek, what was he doing? He then took his finger away, wiping it off on his jacket. “Frankie, why are you crying?” I furrowed my brow. I touched the pads of my finger tips to my cheeks. I could feel the wetness Gerard was referring to, but I never remembered the emotion of crying. I frantically looked around in search for a place to hide, but there was no where. I was out in the open, in the middle of no where with strangers watching me. I noticed Mikey had turned around in his chair, staring at me. He looked just as concerned as Gerard did and as Tess had. “I-I….” I wasn’t sure what to say, how to answer. I wasn’t sure what was happening myself. “Frank, did something happen?” My eyes glanced back over to Gerard who was standing nervously in front of me. Did something happen? What was I supposed to tell him, that his friend Tess just pissed me the fuck off? Maybe, but not like that – just then Mikey stood from his seat and walked over to where his brother and I stood. “Is there a problem, here?” He placed his hand gently on Gerard’s shoulder but stared at me mockingly. I couldn’t believe what was happening. “What is that supposed to mean?” I stepped back from the two of them, feeling cornered and scared. “Frank.” Gerard reached for me but I backed away further. My chest began to swell, my eyes began to water. “Frank, you need to sit down.” My breathes quickened along with my heart beat. I didn’t know where to be or what to do, so I sat myself down right where I was standing. The deck was cold on my butt, it didn’t matter, though. I could care less. Mikey’s feet patted against the wood heading back into the house quickly but Gerard, my one true love stayed by my side. I felt like a villain. “What’s happening?” I asked, burying my face into my bunched up knees. I heard him say something back but his voice was muffled.
…
“Can you hear me, Frank? Are you awake?” I rubbed my eyes with my one hand but my other arm seemed to be asleep, having a mind of its own. I stared at whoever was talking to me for a minute until I could make out who it was. To my surprise it wasn’t Gerard, it was Tessa, hanging over the bed side staring at me like she had so many times before, her face close to mine. “Tessa?” I moaned, feeling my head throb and watching the room spin. “You’ve been out forever.”
“What are you talking about?” I couldn’t remember anything and then it struck me; did my worst nightmare come true? Was I dreaming everything again? Was I having a dream within a dream, making up that Gerard actually was real but in fact he really wasn’t? I started to freak out but thankfully she was there to calm me down. She called out to me quietly, ushering a few coos and soft words. “Can you tell me what’s wrong, Frank?” She tucked a piece of her blonde hair behind her ear. It was darker then all the rest but nonetheless blonde.
Everything came back to me clear as day. I looked at her for a moment before saying anything, trying to read her face like Gerard had been teaching me to do. “You got really mad at me. I asked you how you knew Gerard –,”
“Yes you did.”
“But you yelled at me to mind my own business.” I put my head down, moving slightly away from her but remaining close enough for contact. “Is that exactly what I said?” I shook my head not wanting to tell her. I couldn’t tell if she was just curious or actually knew what she was doing. “Tell me exactly what I said.” I choked on my own spit before being able to produce words. “You told me to mind my damn mother fucking business.” She didn’t seem shocked or offended. “Frank, I want you to listen to me very carefully –,” I cut her off before she could say anything more, I began to panic again. I felt my blood pressure rise as my eyes darted around the room we were in. “Where’s Carol and Henry? Ray and Mikey?” Tess stroked my hair, bending the small bangs back. “They’re out at breakfast, they’re picking something up and bringing it back. Carol and Henry don’t know anything’s wrong,”
“What’s wrong!?!?”
“Ray doesn’t know either, only Mikey, Gerard, and I do. We’re all here with you.” I looked around the small room again but it was only her and I sitting in it. “Where are the other two?” I asked hesitantly. “They’re down in the living room. They wanted to stay, they’re worried about you.” I coughed a bit from anxiety filling up my lungs. “You haven’t told me what’s wrong, though.” I pried, hoping she would spill what she was thinking. I wasn’t good at decoding or reading people’s minds but hell did I try with Tessa. But, she was just like Gerard – I couldn’t see anything, I couldn’t feel anything unless she did something specific to me. I hated it. So my only option was the wait for her to say something.
The bed I was laying in was comfortable. Its sheets were a little messed up from my sleeping but they were still tucked in rather nicely. The pattern was interesting, not very rustic like the rest of the cabin – or should I say, lodge; it was like a quilt, set up the exact same way, but instead of there being squares of weird diamonds with ugly colors inside them, it was like someone took a sharpie marker and traced swirly lines all over it on purpose making it look pretty. I rubbed my hand against the cloth, it was warm and soft. My body was wrapped up in it which made me even happier. I looked back up at Tess who was eyeing my hand wander around the top of the sheets. She must have thought I was crazy but I was simply observing everything that was around me. I didn’t want to miss a thing. “Frank, I didn’t say any of those things. We talked about Gerard, when we were both in the living room, but I never got angry. Then we started walking up the stairs because I wanted to do this, talk to you, but then on our way up you got angry all of a sudden when I turned around and asked you how your tip up here was. You ran down the stairs and outside to get Gerard, then Mikey came in to get me and now we’re here.” I began laughing in disbelief. “You expect me to believe that? I heard what I heard come out of your mouth! Mikey did it, too! He looked at me like I was an idiot when I ran outside!” Tess sighed, sitting back on the bed rest and closing her eyes. She was thinking but about what I couldn’t tell. “Frank,” She said with a long drawn out breath. I sat up, “I’m a doctor, and I know what’s going on with you. It’s nothing normal as far as I can see. I don’t know what would have brought this up. Maybe you’ve had it your whole life, I don’t know – I’m not you doc. But,” She sighed, shaking her head as if this were killing her to tell me this. Then, something hit me! I wasn’t in a dream, Gerard was real all of this was real so everything was okay. My face lit up. Tess noticed my sudden excitement then became confused. I shot up from the bed feeling dizzy after doing so. I started for the door about to thank Tessa for all her help but she put her arm in the doorway, causing me to stop. “Frank,” Her tone was stern. I needed to listen to her; she wasn’t through with me yet. I kept my eyes on her; walking backwards I sat myself on the edge of the bed. “You have schizophrenia.” I furrowed my brow; I had heard the word before but long forgotten what it meant. I looked to her for further information. “Schizophrenia is another word for a paranoid schizophrenic; someone who cannot relate with other people, sees the world in a much more negative way, but in your case, someone who, quite basically makes up what other people say to them and react to that made up sentence. It’s amazing, but horrible. It’s curable – but you have to believe me when I say these things don’t just up and start. I asked Gerard about it and he said he’s never seen you this way before. Sometimes, if someone has schizophrenia it will come out at the times they are most intimidated or nervous.” She paused for a moment then thought again, starting on a new idea to tell me – “A lot of doctors I know and admire say that this condition, this brain malfunction, if you will, can just happen. Genetically, usually. But I don’t believe that – I believe something would have had to happen to thus person, resulting in schizophrenia, or they were born with a brain defect which caused paranoid behavior their whole life. With you, Frank. Something happened, I don’t know what, I just know and it’s really not my place to be asking, but if I were you, I’d tell.” My breathing was staggered. I couldn’t believe what she was telling me, “Why did my own doctor tell me this before?” I was really only talking to myself but Tess answered anyway. “Most people don’t feel the effect of schizophrenia until a while after the event that triggered it.” She placed her arms down at her sides. She had nothing more to say, I couldn’t move, so what now? “So you’re a doctor.” I found myself saying. Tessa nodded. “And you’re my friend.” I said, feeling my own heart begin to ache. I saw her nod her head again. I wiped away some unwanted tears from my eyes and looked at her. With my hand I motioned for her to come sit next to me on the bed. I needed someone. I couldn’t take any of this shit alone. Tess took my hand into hers, but didn’t say a word which gave me time to think. “I’ll tell you what happened, but not because you’re a doctor, but because you’re my friend.” She smiled brightly, I could tell work took over her life, and all she wanted was some time for herself. I was going to tell her my life changing experience because I wanted to, because she had the right to know, because she now knew me, and he had known Gerard probably most of her life. “Thank you.” She muttered, placing a kiss on my top of my hand. There was something about her that was so gentile and unique, I felt like I had known her my whole life. I was comfortable around her, even though I was a guy it felt like I could tell her everything – so that’s exactly what I did.
