i know i said id be gone for a while but I NEED HELP... someone to distract me would be great

the one time i know who i want to talk to and need to talk to more than anyone else in the world and they get offline... this sucks so much
im depressed like super duper depressed. for the first time in years i had a plan. well have a plan. i feel so unneeded. i cant speak in this house with these people. an ending wouldnt shock them at all. they would go on with their lives without a care in the world im sure.

can i please be done?

i hurt the one who means the most to me in the world and my not ex... ever since shes been home its like she doesnt want to talk to me either. i dont know what im going to do for the next hour and after i work out... nothing.

i dont want to go back to the hospital for this.