I just realized something about myself I think I've been in denial from for quite some time. But now, I think it's time to face it: I don't love anyone. NO ONE. Not my family, or my friends, and I don't have "those feelings" for anyone. I'm gonna die alone. I know it. What's wrong with me?!
And, perhaps the hardest thing to admit, I don't think I...oh, god...I don't think I love My Chemical Romance anymore. I think what's been happening is...I find someone, or something, and at first, I feel it; I feel love towards it and I can't get enough of it. And that feeling stays until I've trained myself to think I love it. And then, as quick as it came, the feeling is gone. I hate this. I just....I can't love anymore. I don't think I've ever been traumatized in that sense to make me emotionally numb; except MAYBE a couple years ago when I felt like my sister was loved more by my parents.
And you know what the worst part about this is? I can't even tell anyone. Because anyone I trust enough to tell is going to be hurt and think I don't love them. I'm sure, somewhere, deep down inside all my stupidity, I love my friends and family. I HAVE to....
I think I've come to the conclusion that I want a therapist; someone who will listen. Because right now, I'm alone.
