Bittersweet Emotions

PsychedelicReverie's picture

Bittersweet Emotions

I'm sad. It's the kind of sadness that comes from boredness, the kind that just sort of engulfs everything, leaving the droning of the tv and the dull rumble of the dishwasher a humming white noise. I'm not stuck on what to do. There's chores and violin and everything else waiting for me downstairs. But I'm happy, somewhat selfishly, because I'm alone. I sigh and stare at the perfect shining red on the bass cradled in my lap. It's top heavy and falls over to the neck side because the weight isn't proportioned properly and the A string buzzes when I hit it too hard without it plugged in the amp but it's perfect. Absolutely perfect and the only thing that will take my mind off nothingness. So I play. I play Black Sabbath and The Cure and Queens of The Stone Age and Nirvana and Red Hot Chili Peppers and Motionless in White and bits and pieces of things I'm trying to learn and riffs that I'd heard and liked from new songs, until my fingers ache if I stop playing for too long. And I look my battered Ipod and just stop and click the next name along with the others in M. My Chemical Romance. So I listen. I listen and listen and listen. To every single beat and note and chord. I listen to all of it,how it's all so brilliantly different and contagious and weird and wonderful. And I remember every single time something got out how excited I'd be and how I'd save up money just in case there was a surprise. How I'd laugh how awkward or funny and ingenious they'd be at interviews. How they'd stand up and defend their fans and music and themselves if provoked.How I'd sing along to the live performances listed on YouTube, because I'd either been in the wrong place or not have enough money to go. How I'd graffiti my belongings with MCR. And how I'd play the same melody over and over again, trying to figure it out, and learn as many of the songs as I could on my bass. How annoyed my sisters would be when the Internet had become slow, because I'd downloaded all the EPs and B-sides and once only performance and demos to listen to. How every single song is perfect in its own way. I smile.