Hell On Earth

PartyPoison34's picture

Hell On Earth

Ugh. I’ve been doing pretty good lately, considering I’m at my mom’s. Is this what it feels like to not be depressed? Idk. I feel like i’m out of my element. Like even my emotions feel awkward and out of place.

I forgot how much I missed my doggies. And me and my mom are getting along pretty well. She offered to let me back in with her today. If it’s gonna be like this, and I can have all my friends back, I’d consider it. But I know it’s just not in my or my mother’s nature to be complacent with each other. It might be smooth sailing for a while, but I’d be skating on this ice. And I live in Colorado. Ice melts fast. I’ve never been more miserable than when I’ve lived here. I know things would just go right back to how they were.

And I’m sure it hurts my mother to know she failed as a mom. It hurt her pride having to explain to everybody that wondered where I was what happened and how I don’t live with her anymore, at very least. I don’t like hurting people. But I need to take care of myself, you know? I’m really getting tired of being in such a destructive environment that will do nothing but hurt me. I can’t come back here. I want to, deep down, because for some reason I’m extremely masochistic. But I’m starting to get a better sense of right and wrong. Living at my dad’s will keep me alive until I can leave completely.

AA;ISDGPFCRNG I’m so fucking torn!! Dx