Forget My Name...

oxCarCrashHeartx's picture

Forget My Name...

I've had something on my mind that I need to get out. No one knows me on here, so it's a pretty safe place to say it. I'm just like you, dammit. I've got no room in my head either. I was kicked out a long time ago by a stranger who pretends to be me. They look like me, sound like me, doesn't quite walk like me, but even talks like me... sometimes. I know you've been going through this just recently, but this is what I HAVE been dealing with. I'm lost too. I'm broken too. I sometimes feel like a broken soul can't help another broken soul. But I throw on my damn game face and forget about my own problems so I can help you through the same fucking thing I'm dealing with. I don't have anyone telling me that it's gonna be alright. I don't have a damn crutch to lean on. You answer your phone only on occasion. You shut me out. I have always answered when you called and txted me. But I never seem to get the same fucking treatment and I'm sick of always being the one to give a rat's ass. I can't say these things to you cause I know they'll bring you down. So I keep them to myself in hopes that you honestly do get better. At least, in this case, one of us will be okay. I never was and I never will be. I don't want pity, that's not what I'm looking for... I don't want anyone. I'm better off alone. I can't get hurt. That's all I've ever gotten from others... is disappointment and fucking pain. And I'm done. I don't trust anyone but myself and it's great. But I needed to say that I am just as alone as you are. I am also a stranger in my own head. I wish that I could face it. But I can't. Nor do I want to. There are so many things that you don't know about me, and so many things that I will never say to you... ever. My secrets will go to the grave with me. And the biggest one, is that I can't fucking stand this anymore.