Just noticed how depressing I am

notinthisalone's picture

Just noticed how depressing I am

Well I'm really depressing but I don't even know why to be very honest, maybe it's because I always get bullied for being "Emo" or because everyone's a prick? Who knows but all I know is that I want to turn back to drugs, badly. I told you guys I had stopped a whole ago right? Well that's where I'm wrong you noticed I had no blogs on how well I was doing? No I didn't think so. The last time I took some was this morning and now I'm wanting more of everything and the worst thing is I don't know th names of half the stuff.
The bullying doesn't make it any better, the amount of times I've tried suicide, the amount of times I'm thought of suicide, the amount of notes I've wrote to my mum about me committing suicide, it's unbelievable. They call me
Emo
Faggot
Worthless
Suicidal Homo
Gay
Shit
Worthless
Stupid
Freak
Goth
Devil worshiper
And much much more. They annoy me because my parents aren't together and my dad is getting divorced and I never see him, its just too much to handle. They call me gay and homosexual even though I'm completely straight and I only have 1 bisexual friend, and it makes me want to cry so fuckin much! I sound like a baby or over preppy girl probably but I don't even care.

My 'friend', where to start with her, she says I'm attention seeking but I'm not! You guys may think so too but I'm not and I can't change anyone's opinion. She says I'm lying about my dads divorce and I'm only cutting to look 'cool'. The fuck I'm not I'm doing to let away stress! She always talks about me behind my back and spread about the school that I was smoking and I quite cleary don't! I'm ready to fuckin flip and end it all and go back to drugs and give up in everything, live in a cold, dark room and never be seen again it would make everyone better.

I'm worthless, it's so true. I can't do anything right and always get into trouble and punished, I'm a waste of space. My friends probably don't want to be around me, I need to fake a smile everyday because I'm meant to be the happy one an whenever I ask my 'friends' for help they say I don't need it that I should just get over it. Wow, great friends eh? It makes me feel like shit and they always ditch me for people they say they 'hate' but are best friends with them two seconds later. In drama today I broke down, ou topic is bullying and running away. Well done another subject I'm going to skip as I wont be able to handle it. I am worthless I do nothing right and I'm just a bitch, literately. "I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare" Simple plan, why do you love to describe my life?
That's all I can write, I'm in too much stress and crying too much to say/type much more, please can anyone help? I don't care if you guys don't but if you do read this then please help me? Yeah I know hat your thinking "Pathetic", It's okay slag me all you want see if I care.