Breakdowns are the worst....

notinthisalone's picture

Breakdowns are the worst....

I feel horrible, like i'm just having a breakdown in my life. I don't want to though,I keep feeling depressed over the slightest things and it's really annoying. All of my friends have boyfriends and I don't and that makes me feel depressed, worthless and just completely ugly. 
When my brother goes down to my dad's, I get extremely annoyed and depressed for some reason and I keep on crying and I can't handle most of the stuff anymore. School just makes it worse, I want to break down and cry all the time in there but I can't because I get bullied enough and I don't want it to get worse. 
I'm a drug addict, yes I admit it and I'm not proud. I gave up on everything and still do, the only place I feel welcome is here, well rarely. When I talk to people on here I pretend to be happy but I'm actually crying on the other end of the screen.
Much more stuff goes on but I really just don't want to tell anyone.
I can't tell my family that I'm feeling this way, I'm too scared to tell them and the obviously won't understand like a lot of people. I want to runaway but that would cause worse bullying, arguments and everything like that. 
I'm so pathetic, I'm such a failure, I'm not wanted I guess and everyone would be better without me. I'm done fighting, I'm done with it all. 
Sorry,
So long and goodnight