okay. I just cant take it. I cant. Its hard not letting someone know. I am so used to ... well telling my best friend... and .... lately.. I don't know, maybe its me being paranoid. but I feel like she doesn't care. It has not been the same since summer. Maybe its because I decided to keep everything to myself.. I don't know! and.. I just...I ... its so hard... when you're crying your eyes out and you're trying your best to keep your cool. trying your best to not send a message that says 'I'm.. just not okay' its hard not asking all those questions that are eating you up. It's hard not speaking your thoughts. It's hard keeping it all in. I am not used to it... but at the same time... I cant make myself say anything. I can't talk to anyone. Not even the people I trusted the most... No one at all.. even if I wanted to, I feel like I just.. CAN'T say anything. like there's someone else inside me stopping me right before I start saying anything. there's so much conflict inside my head! AND I HATE IT. It feels as if I'm drowning in my own head, and I don't know how to swim! I will probably get better tomorrow, some sleep, some candy and finding my ignorance would help. but as for now ...
I AM NOT OKAY. and I cant tell anyone...
