This may be pretty naive of me, but I thought that a friendship was give and take. I thought that a friendship meant that you had another person's back and they had yours. I thought a friendship was equally treating someone the way you wanted to be treated. I guess I was wrong. I have never been treated like a friend the way i treat people. I am always the first to be concerned with them when they are in trouble. the first one to open my home and heart to them. The first on to offer them a ride to where ever and not even ask for anything in return. The first to invite them over for a meal or just to hang out and watch a movie or listen to music. The first to expect nothing in return except friendship back. I guess I was wrong. Friendship is one sided. With one person taking as much as they can and leaving the other with nothing. Friendship is using someone for your own purpose and not caring how they feel in the end. Friendship is abusing those that care about it and worry about you. Friendship is bleeding them dry from everything that they have and still requesting more. friendship is leaving them stranded with nothing to show for and walking away. At least these are my friendships. I cannot think about what I did in a past life to someone that I deserve this, but I guess I do. I must because it keeps happening to me over and over again. Those that I friend, those that i help out, those that I give my all to and then some always turn and leave me with less than I started out with. Most of you know that I have not had a car for a few months now. When I could have fixed my car, I used the money to pay for a friends traffic ticket. In exchange she was driving me around and letting me use her car. She was dating my son at the time. When they broke up I thought nothing was going to change between us, but i was wrong. She dropped me really fast and never looked back. She knows I have no car and that I have been walking three hours to work sometimes both ways. At work I stay on my feet and do not sit down. This can lead to over 12 hours of being like that. My back and ankles are on fire from walking up hills. My knees are killing me from strain of being on them for so long. When I get home I am limping and can barely get up the stairs to go to bed. I do not sleep because i am stressed out from having to walk again the next day. Today I did a brave thing, well brave for me, and I reached out on Facebook to my friends to see if I could get a ride to work. No one commented accept people who live in other states who I know through Live Journal and Facebook. People who I helped for months turned their back on me. I would not even care if a comment was made that they were sorry and could not help me, at least it was acknowledgement. I am planning to delete the post so I do not have to look at it again and feel shame for it.
I hate my life. *sigh*
