I am so in love with Ambulance! It makes me feel so good when I hear it and gives me a little extra spring in my step. Each one of the new songs is finding a place in my heart and I am starting to understand what Frank was talking about on his blog.
So I am still struggling along in my life and it is not getting any easier, but it is not getting any harder either. I am in my 2nd week of walking to work. It still sucks and I wish that my car brakes would just get fixed already, but I just do not have the money right now. My mom is trying to get me to use a friend to fix my car for free and I hate using people. Plus I have not seen this person since I was 11 and have no idea of her life for the last 25 years. It is actually her boyfriend that I would be asking and I feel even weirder doing that. So yesterday my mom calls the woman and than tries to force me to talk to her on the phone with no prompting. I was appaled! I got into a fight with my mom while this poor woman could hear me. I kept arguing that I am 37 for fuck sake and did not need my mom forcing shit on me like I am a teenager! No offense to all you younger Killjoys here. It just really pissed me off! I need my car fixed, but not doing something that makes me feel uncomfortable.
On a better note CPS seems to be happy with me right now. The house has been kept up by David for a week and he is getting better at cleaning each day. The only problem right now seems to be my loving daughter who is becoming worse than a teenager, again no offense, at the age of five! She argued for an hour that she was really six and that she had two birthday's this year! I cannot wait to see what it will really be like when she hits 13, if she lives long enough and I don't strangle her first!
At least my son is not that bad...yet. I just redyed their hair to green for him and fuchsia for her. It looks really good and for the most part they cooperated as well as a five and six year old can. It is hard to sit for 45 min. with color in your hair as a child.
I am slowly feeling better. I still feel like my world is way to heavy to hold up on my own, but I am starting to adapt again. I guess i just needed to break down a bit again. I swear though thinking about self-harm really bothered me. I do not want to get to a point like that again.
