Tell me what it's like to have confidence and happiness...

Menacing_Venom's picture

Tell me what it's like to have confidence and happiness...

I know... I just sound like a pathetic teenager whining over a crush... Except this isn't a crush with some guy in my school... No, I always have to make things more difficult for myself so instead of having a crush, I've fallen in love. And instead of it being a randomer it's my best friend, who is a girl, like me. :/
But I just hate the fact I can't tell her. Because if she freaks out I'll lose my only friend (in the same country as me) and she has way too much to deal with without me making things worse and more awkward.
Today I logged on to Facebook and the first thing I saw was a picture she'd uploaded of her friend and herself. She had her hands around her friends waist, hugging her and stuff. That wasn't the worst part of it for me. It was the fact they looked happy and really cute together. I don't know if they're together or not, if they are she hasn't told me but they spend so much time together.. I guess I'm just jealous. But I want to be the girl she's hugging and being happy with. I want to be the one to help her through all her shit, and hopefully by doing that it'll help me through mine. But it's not gonna happen cause I'm too much of a coward.
It's not just that but everything else I can't tell her cause she's just as fucked up as me I don't want to upset her further. The other day she texted be saying I wasn't letting her down because I was fighting to live. All I could think when I read it was about the hundreds of times I've felt like digging the razor deeper, or jumping in front of that idiot who always drives so fast. But she can't know anything. It's kill her as well as me.
Not many if any one is reading this... Probably not. But sorry. I had to write this somewhere no one I know would find it...

I love you guys so much xxx