*sigh* it's Christmas time again... :/

Is it just me or is this time of year the hardest? Like it was almost a year ago I started becoming depressed, but it wasn't till Easter that I started self harming and shit. But I genuinely thought things were better towards the end of October but over the past month everything's just got worse again. I'm not looking forward to Christmas either. I know this sounds horrible but I don't really wanna be around all my family. I love them and everything but my families so big and my house is relatively small it just stresses me out... (I feel like that every Christmas not just recently.) We still end up fighting anyway at some point. Plus I'm not even Christian so I probably shouldn't be celebrating it in the first place. Cause that's what it about right. Jesus being born, the lambs, stable. big star in the sky...
Maybe it's cause I get even sadder when I'm down but everyone else can at least act happy. I dunno. Or maybe it's cause I'm weird and hate myself and my life. All I do know is that I want to curl up in a ball and disappear.