Diary Entry: “All this guilt could fill an ocean.”
I just stood there. I felt completely numb. “I wanted to kiss you at least once,” Blake smiled. After that he ran back up the stairs. He had gone by the time I met Grey and Nicky outside, they told me he just ran off quickly when I asked where he’d gone. I couldn’t think about anything else on the way the Grey and Nicky’s’ house, I could hear them talking but I took nothing in. I still had a numb sensation running through my body. ‘Blake, you bastard! Now I’m really confused’, was the thought that ruled over every other.
“Erica?”
“Yeah,” I answered dazed.
“You can go into the house,” Nicky said. I hadn’t realised we were standing in front of their door, I uneasily walked in before being pushed aside by Grey going to talk to his mother. She looked nice, she wore slim blue jeans and an old ‘Guns n Roses’ band shirt. While Grey talked to her, she glanced up every so often to look at me. Her expression changed for time to time, but she was generally looking confused. I felt Nicky softly put his arm round be for a touch of reassurance. Then their mother walked over and I instantly became terrified. I expected her to explain to me that I couldn’t stay, that she wasn’t comfortable with a stranger being in her house, but she didn’t she said; “Oh come here love,” giving me the first form of motherly affection that I’d had in years. She broke the embrace and smiled, “. I’m Julie, Julie Hart and I understand things have been rough for you, so this can be your home for just now. Nicky and Grey will show you around the house, I’ve got to finish cooking the dinner.” She squeezed my shoulder and left us three in the hallway.
“Come on,” said Nicky starting to walk up the stairs. I followed the two of them up the stairway to Nicky’s room and hopefully, a new a beginning.
When I went to go in the room Grey advised me to stay out for a few minutes while they tidied. “Grey I’ve been living in abasement for nearly five years,” I laughed, “I doubt it’ll be that ba… Good God!” He was right, it was like a bomb or crap had exploded then been blown around for a bit. All though I was impressed by the amount of band posters, but I never told him that. Nicky smiled sheepishly. “Sorry,” he said clutching a handful of rubbish.
“That’ll be okay I think,” commented Grey once the room no longer resembled a midden. Nicky walked over and pulled out a futon bed and started covering it with sheets, but he wasn’t very successful with them. “Here,” I said walking over and taking the sheets off him, “my turn to help.”
“Er… I hope you don’t mind Erica, but I sometimes sleep there.”
“Dude you have your own room,” Nicky quickly added in.
“Yeah but all the amps and stuff are in the way, plus I always sleep in here.”
“Move them then…”
I saw another argument starting.
“Guys its fine,” I said “It’s big enough for two people; I don’t want to cause too much disturbance. I’m just thankful someone’s putting up with me.”
“Anytime,” Nicky grinned.
Their mum called us down for dinner after half an hour or so later. I had butterflies going downstairs, Grey didn’t help by whispering “ready to meet the family?” as we went through the kitchen door. There was a real family atmosphere in that kitchen. Julie was busy serving and cooking, an elderly woman and a young girl sat at the table and a man was helping Julie. He looked at me as soon as I walked in but didn’t say anything. “Hello dear,” said the older woman.
“Hello,” I replied as politely as I could while Grey offered me a seat.
“Hi!” Chirped the young girl, again I answered civilly. “I’m Abby and I’m 7,” she carried on, “Grey and Nicky are very nice. I’m sure you’ll know that, they’re your friends’ right?” She didn’t pause for an answer. “Are you one of their girlfriends?”
“Abbey!” snapped Julie. “Leave the poor girl alone.” I smiled thanks to her, who in return placed a pile of spaghetti and bolognas in front of me.
“Is she your sister?” I quietly asked Grey.
“No our cousin. Mum and our aunt don’t get on so she comes down with our Gran when her school breaks up. They get longer holidays than us for being able to add three and ten the lucky things.” I smiled and attempted to eat. “So,” boomed a voice, “Erica, am I right?” I was the man who’d been helping Julie. “I’m John, Nicky’s dad.” The absence of Grey’s name hung in the room.
“Er, hello…” I said.
“How long do you think you’ll be staying here?”
“JOHN!” started Julie, “What do you think you’re doing? The poor lass has been through enough…” The pang of guilt worsened now I was sure I was causing a problem. “Erica is staying long as she needs.” Said Nicky viscously stabbing his meal, he looked up at his father. “She’s staying here till she’s better.” He glared at his father. That ended the conversation.
***
I lay awake with my back to Grey. Nicky was sleeping sound and I thought Grey was too, until a light snapped on. I sat bolt up right. “Oh sorry, did I wake you?” Grey said in a soft tone.
“No I was already awake. What are you doing?” I asked when he wandered to the other side of the room. “I couldn’t sleep so I was going to draw. Do you mind?”
“No go ahead.” He sat back down next to me and I peered over his shoulder, “wow!” I said.
“Shhh…” he hushed as Nicky stirred in his sleep. “But thanks. It’s for Abbey, she loved this dog whe saw in the park one day and we won’t see her for her birthday so I thought it could be an early present,” he smiled.
“That’s so sweet,” I said, his mouth smiled a little but went back into concentration. I waited a few minutes and decided whether I should interrupt him again or not.
“Hey Grey…” I started.
“Hmm…?” I took a deep breath.
“Could I talk to you a second?” He put his pad to the side.
“Sure, what’s up?” His eyes had the same concern as both Alec and Blake which made things slightly harder, so I looked down to my crossed knees. “I don’t know whether I should tell you this but it’s eating away at me,” I looked up at him quickly, but I couldn’t hold it. “Blake kissed me.”
“What?!” He said, nearly shouting.
“Shhh…” I said looking back over at Nicky.
“What?” he repeated slightly quieter, “when?”
“When I was getting my things. That’s why he ran off.” I looked shamefully at him. “Grey he just said he’d regret it if he didn’t and I let him. Now I feel horrible because of Alec…”
“What’s the deal with him?” he asked, “Blake said something about jumping, I didn’t hear properly cause we were half way out the door.” I took in yet another breath to prepare myself for letting this secret out. “Y’know that bridge you cross before getting to the green. I’d been having it pretty hard for nearly five years since I lost my dad in a car crash. It’s my fault he died. So I was going to jump from the bridge.” I took a long pause, “I didn’t thank Alec. He saved me.”I looked up at Grey to see his eyes full of tears and his mouth half open.
“We need to get them to make up. We’ll do phone them in the morning, and get things sorted.” Grey said after a very awkward silence. He shuffled over and gave me a quick hug before saying “get some sleep.”
In the morning I quietly explained everything to Nicky so he didn’t feel left out. “I’ve told Blake that Alec’s doesn’t want to come, and Alec that Blake doesn’t want to come,” Grey explained as he sat beside us.
“What if they fight again?” I asked.
“We brake them up, but this needs sorted out"
Waiting at the green for them to arrive was so painful. I was so worried that things couldn’t be fixed, that’d me staying alive had ruined a friendship. Alec arrived first but only a few moments before Blake.
“What’s he doing here?” Alec said as Blake approached.
“I could ask the same thing,” Blake said blandly. I awkwardly looked at Grey, and naturally he took the reins.
“Guys this needs sorted out.” He started. “If you both have feelings for Erica or whatever…” I could tell he was uncomfortable with talking about, ‘feelings’. “You just can’t fight over her, its killing her.”
Again everyone was looking at me. But Grey look pleadingly at me to help him out. “Alec,” I sighed, “Thank you, for helping me, down the alley and… at the bridge. And Blake you’ve been so nice to me from the very being. But I won’t be the reason for splitting up two friends. I’ve got enough to feel guilty for.” Blake and Alec looked at each other but didn’t move.
“I’m sorry mate,” Alec said looking at the floor.
“Yeah me too,” Blake put out his hand to shake, and thankfully Alec accepted. “I’m sorry Erica as well, it probably made things worse with the kiss…”
