I'll start on a lighter note I'm seeing BVB on the 27th of March at the Barrowlands :) Anyone else from Scotland going?? :)
To the slightly depressing point... So with out me going into details I'm in a really bad place the now and I have been for about 2 years roughly(ish) and I've been... well... Expressing my self with a blade to my limbs for about 1/1 and a half.. If you catch my drift. But since Christmas I've lost all my friends (bar 1 who I've been helping with her own issues) but I've recently gained one too.
The problem is she's 3 years older than me and is leaving school in a few months. We've got to the point where we both know each other has it bad and she keeps telling me that she wants to help me. No one ever in person has said that to and me. And I really want her to help and for me to help her but there's 2 problems:
1. I never tell people these things. Not in person anyway. Plus talking to people in a day to day conversation I find hard. How the hell am I supposed to explain this kinda stuff? I have no idea where to begin.
2. Like I said, she's leaving. I know there's internet and phones but anyone in my situation can relate that someone in person and someone behind a screen is different.
I don't want to push her away but she's moving on and I'm scared that I'll open myself up then lose her again. But I'm also scared if I don't things will get even worse. This could be the only chance I have to help myself or at least find someone who likes and understands me for who I am. But I'm not even sure if I want help. I know that if anyone is reading this (I thank you if you are :)) you'll be like "no everyone's worth saving", I would be... If it was someone else, but I'm not even sure if talking would help or even if I want to live.
I'm at my wits end with absolutely everything. I don't see myself getting better. But I do see myself, well, dying. (30STM lyrics "Don't save me cause I don't care" are springing to mind) I just don't know what to do :/ Please just tell me what to do!!! Also if you think I should try talking would you mind telling me how? :/ xxx
