Once again I need to stop being scared. I need to stand up and SCREAM. (you'll have to open this blog to read all of it)

(ps. the best part is near the end)
Hello all you wonderful killjoys. It's been a while since I posted something that wasn't totally ~blah~ so just thought I'd come and tell you what I've just realized.
I've been growing away from the music of My Chemical Romance, not the fans, or the fan-girlness or anything like that. It's like I completely forgot that they even made music! Like I forgot that they are what's keeping me alive and they are what made me better, what made me ~want~ to be me! and then I relized. Being a fan isn't about knowing when the members birthdays are, or all the interviews, owning all the merch, or knowing what there favorite colour is! Being a fan. What does being a fan mean to ~you~? Maybe being a fan to you IS knowing their favorite colour, their birthdays, hell even their shoesize! But to me, knowing that stuff, is just for fun. (and it's a bit weird to know everything)
Being a fan to me , is understanding the music, having a connection with it.
In this generation, it's "I want it, and I want it now" and we just race through life, to try and get that thing we want. Instead of living life, and picking up the small extra pieces along the way. Take so me time to view the scenery. Enjoy life in this moment, don't think about how amazing things will be when your.. 25 years old, or how awesome things will be once you get that Kobra Kid jacket. Think about how good it is right now, or how it could be better. Are you happy with your life? Right now? if you are, keep it that way. If you arn't happy with your life right now.. Then change something, it could be something small.
Stop were you are right now, and call your best friend. Don't text them, call them, hear their voice, hear there emotion. Imagine them as music, you don't just read the lyrics, and like them. You have to hear it, you have to feel the emotion that goes into it.
All of us, we are connected by this band, we all have at least one thing in common. We all have a passion for this music. So why don't we have this same passion we have for this music and put it into our life?
For a week, I want you all to stop texting, but I want you to call them, just see how it goes, see how it makes you feel.
I just realized how insanely lame this really sounds, and it sounded a lot better in my head. But who cares?! and also I got off subject.
For the longest time, I called myself a fan of MCR, but I didn't listen to them, I skiped their songs on my mp3 player, and today I thought.. What the fuck am I doing?! Where the fuck am I going without anyone to guide me?! Why am I skipping them?
I don't know why I was ignoring MCR completely. but I watched the videos, and I watched so many videos of Gerard saying a ton of inspirational shit. and I cried. I really did cry, it seemed like I was hearing all this stuff for the first time again, it was like something completely new. And you know what?! IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING!
I felt awful last night, I bet with my life and I almost lost the bet to keep my life. It got to the point where I'm not afraid to die anymore. But NO! That's not how it should be!! I shouldn't be afraid to walk alone! But this whole time, I ~was~ walking alone! and I was hella scared. But now I see.
I've been afraid to talk to people. But you know what?! I NEED TO SING it for them. I shouldn't care what those jackasses think, because they don't matter. They are CHANGING me. But I'm going to stop them. I'm going to SCREAM to them!!
I don't WANT to be pretty!! I WANT TO STAY UGLY!
I've been taking their bullshit. and I've been letting them take me alive. NO! I won't LET them!! I CAN'T let them!! I will never let them take me alive. I will fight!! I will ~RUN~!
I forgot ~everything~ I learned from being a solder in the MCRmy, I forget everything I learned from being a killjoy. I forgot how to smile! I forgot how to feel anything but sadness!
but now I can SMILE! I can FEEL again!!
I'm so proud to be apart of the MCRmy, and I will always be proud to be.. <3 We are a family, and I've just been using you guys as a dumping ground for my problems, I'm sorry, I really am. You guys mean so much to me!
I'm tired of being afraid.
I'm tired of being controlled by the media and society!
Feeling so Comical, I will Crush that shit.
~Comical Crush

You are loved, by me, and so many other people. Never ever forget this shit.

On another note... All the blogs I'm seeing now. They're meaningless, they're dry and sad. It hurts to read them. What's the point of rebloging "my life: the sound track" or those "choose youre birthday" shit. I used to be able to come here and read the most beautiful things ever. But now, it's all just gibbrish now. It means nothing to you. I love you guys so much. But I can't help but feel like the MCRmy is a FALLING army.
We need to build ourselfs back up. Think about why you're here, why you love MCR, what you can do to help and STOP sitting around, blogging useless shit to pass the time.