depressed as hell

i admit i've been pushed close to the edge before, but i can't take it anymore. the guy i love might not love me and i'll die alone in a pit of my despair. my friends might not even be my friends. all this time music has been my saviour, but i'm not sure if i can do it this time as in music might not save me this time, i could really lose this battle. i've never truly smiled in the past year, my life been shit.
why do i deserve this agony and pain of this so called life?