Why did I lie? I'm so sorry.

You don't know I lied, of course. You won't know. Ever.
You mean a lot to me, even if I don't mean that much to you. I don't want to tell you.
But I feel like I should. I feel that you deserve that much.
Even though I didn't keep my promise, I feel like you at least deserve to know that I didn't.
You're like a brother to me, and I never want you to know what I've done.
You'd be so ashamed, disappointed.
I'm both of those things.
But in some strange way, it made me feel better. I love feeling better.
I'm a sick person, and I need help.
I'm so sorry.